endless || boyxboy

one - present

i spend a lot of time in my room. there's some nights where i'll turn on the tv. some nights i just lay down in silence. either doesn't really bother me.

isn't it a little ironic that your favorite book is the picture of dorian gray?

some nights i'll think. and i mean really think. not the type of thinking when you're working out a math problem. the one where your mind is in so many different places at once, yet your body is somehow at peace.

love doesn't have a definition. it's however it's interpreted.

it's usually about him. he sometimes visits me in my dreams to. my therapist said it was normal. especially since it just happened two weeks ago.

books are almost like a window into the soul.

but i really don't cry that much anymore. i just don't talk, and i don't really eat that much. i haven't been to school since it happened. my life has practically been put on halt.

i've never met someone like you.

i'm not overdramatic. i know that. i don't care if everyone else does. because they wouldn't know what i felt about dorian. how much i loved him. how bad i hurt because he died for me. the pain of knowing that no matter what i did, he was still dying in my arms. and i had to watch it. because i couldn't let him go. i wouldn't let him go.

we don't have to tell anyone till you're ready.

i told my mom about me and him the day after it happened. she held me while i cried. she told me i'd be okay, even if it didn't feel like it now. that's why my mom gets it. she knows how it feels to lose the love of your life.

watch out!

the ptsd didn't get really bad till about a week ago. i had a nightmare about it last night.

i love you.

he withered up in my arms. he grasped on to life as long as he could hold it. i guess he couldn't hold on that long. i don't blame him.

trust me. we're endless.

and if there was one lesson i've learned, cooped up in this house for the past two weeks, it's that pain doesn't bring a person back. no matter how much you want it to.