A Storm of Emotion

If I Stayed

Sometimes I lie awake a night
And wonder what if I stayed?

Stayed in a relationship without love;
Stayed where I was muted and controlled;
Stayed where I could not be authentic;
Stayed with someone so malicious;
Stayed where I could not sprout
For fear of being crushed.

I don't miss you by any stretch
Of my warped imagination.

But.

Imagine if I stayed.

Imagine how marred my heart would be,
From stitching the broken pieces back together,
After you shattered my being again.
Imagine not making a millimeter of progress,
In any facet of my life and well being.
Imagine who you could have been,
If not a narcissistic misogynist,
With a sick sense of psychiatric sadism.

If I stayed I would not have sprouted;
If I stayed I would not have grown;
If I stayed I would not blossomed;
If I stayed back then, I would not be here now.

I left and learned that life is
Indeed worth living.
And it does
Get better.

A sigh of relief resonates through my bones
Peace and contentment crash like waves of bliss
Against the shores of my skin
The rays of sunshine peeking over the horizon
Breathing fortified hope between my lips
And my soul is truly
Happy