The Journey

(1)

A calm gentle breeze glided over my body as I stared up at the bright blue sky with not a speck of a cloud in sight. I sighed in relaxation as I spread myself out further on the vibrant green grass. Laying here felt like something close to true Nirvana. I was at peace with nothing but calm sound of breezes passing by paired with cicadas singing their seemingly never ending song. 

I closed my eyes and wished to dream. It was as if the earth and its occupants had created an orchestra just for me, and I fully intended to enjoy every part of it. I wanted to dream of being a completely different person than who I am now. I wondered, what would my life be like had I been raised by my birth parents rather than the ones I have now.

I scrunched my brow up in guilt. I shouldn't think of such things, especially when my foster parents had been so good to me throughout the past eighteen years. They treated me like I was their own and to be honest, I wouldn't have even known they weren't my real birth parents had I not found that shoe box hidden deep in their closet containing checks from a man named, Haruto Nakamoto. Naturally the name itself shouldn't have meant anything, but, my parent's reaction to the box when I showed them said it all. I'll never forget that look on their faces; It was a pitiful look that I never want to see again in my life. Not just because they had pity for me but it was as if they held pity for themselves. As if they were begging for forgiveness before they even admitted to the deed. 

Once they explained to me that this man, Haruto Nakamoto, was my supposed father, and that he left me with them because he wasn't ready for a child I felt nothing but curiosity. I know that my parents expected me to be livid with them, maybe even question my own existence. I laughed at the thought. I didn't think or feel either of those things. I was merely interested in knowing more about my own family tree. When I asked them about my mother they hurriedly pushed the topic elsewhere. It didn't bother me much at first but as the days went on I became to question the whole situation more and more. It just didn't connect in my head.

After that discussion I repeatedly reassured my parents that I was going to be okay, no, that I was okay. In reality, I wasn't.

"How long do you intend to stay there?" A familiar voice questioned. I slowly opened my eyes to see my best friend, Ayano, hovering over me. 

"How long do you intend to question me?" I closed my eyes again and Ayano sat down next to me, looking up towards the sky herself.

"It's a crazy idea, Raena." 

I laughed, "And when did you just realize that my ideas are almost always crazy?" 

"Raena." Hearing the worry in her voice I sighed and sat up, facing her. "If I don't do this, I know for sure that i'll regret it. I have a right to know about my family."

"I'm sure that if you tell your family what you feel they will tell you more about your family." She stated before grabbing my shoulders, "But going off on your own like this, without even telling them, isn't it too cruel?"

I averted my eyes, "What's cruel is not telling their own daughter who her real parents were for eighteen years of her life." Ayano grimaced before lessening her grip on my shoulders. "Do you think that if I hadn't found that box my parents would have told me? No, they wouldn't have." I shrugged her off of me as I stood up and stretched.

"I know they wouldn't have told me. Not for their own benefit but because there is something about my real parents that they don't want me to know." I turned to look back at her, "And I am going to find out." 

The expression on her face showed that she still didn't put her full faith in me; that she still didn't trust that I could do it. Sadness welled in her eyes as she averted her gaze from me to the ground, "Kōkishin ga neko o koroshita (Curiosity Killed the Cat)..." I rolled my eyes before turning my attention back towards the sky. 

"Remember to only speak English around me. It's good training for my trip to America." I smiled and I could feel her roll her eyes behind me.

"When are you going to tell your parents? Or even your siblings??" She questioned to which I just shook my head.

"If I do that then that will make leaving even harder." I sighed. I knew full well that what I was doing was extremely unfair to them; they had given their all to raise me and as if that were not enough I still search for something more. I just couldn't contain this burning curiosity within me. I needed to know more about myself and my origins and as much as I appreciate them, I just wouldn't be able to find it living in that household.

"Are you still going to drive me to the airport tonight?" I gingerly questioned Ayano. She sighed before nodding.

"I still think this is a bad idea. At least let me go with you!" 

"What would you coming with me solve. Your parents would be worried sick about you Ayano. It's bad enough that my parents have to go through it, your parents don't need to."

"That's not a decision for you to make Raena." She tensed up and I giggled.

"Well either way the decision has been made. It's too late for you to come with me now anyways. Just trust me, okay? I promise i'll come back with a whole story to tell you."

Ayano sighed before getting up, dusting off her bottom. "I have to get home, I'll be by your house after midnight." She waved before turning and walking away.

I smiled and started on my own way home. 

........................................

"Tadaima! (I'm Home!)" I shouted to which I received no response. I shrugged my shoulders as I took off my shoes and made my way upstairs to my room. I closed my door behind me and plopped down on my bed, pulling my phone out of my skirt pocket. I scrolled through a few posts on Instagram before eventually playing some Fate Grand Order. As per usual, the gacha was true hell. 

Once I got bored I tossed my phone to the side and rolled over onto my stomach, gazing out the window. The sun was setting, creating perfect hues of gold to orange to soft deep pinks. Watching the sunset was calming yet nerve-wracking. This would be the last sunset I would watch from this room for a while, the last time I'd be in the room for a while. The thought terrified me yet excited me. 

The faster the sun set the quicker my departure time was coming. Before I knew it I had fallen asleep and was awakened by a knock on my door. "Ohairikudasai (Come in)" I mumbled while groggily rubbing my eyes. The door slowly crept open to reveal my mother, peeking her head in. She fully opened the door as I sat up and she flipped on the lights. 

"Yūshoku no junbi ga dekimashita (Dinner's ready)" She lazily tucked a stray strand of hair that had fallen out her loose ponytail behind her ear. I nodded my head and swung my legs over the edge of my bed as I ran my hands through my hair and sighed. 

"Ima okonatteru (I'm coming)." I yawned to which my mom furrowed her eyebrows before sitting down next to me. She put her arm around me and pulled me into her. I rested my head on her shoulder and she gently rubbed mine.

"Raena, daijōbu? (Raena, are you okay?)" Mom questioned me. I nodded my head and eased up off her shoulder to look at her.

"Dōshite? (Why?)" I questioned back. She looked down worriedly before placing both her hands on my shoulders and looking me straight in the eye.

"Anata wa tada tōi yō ni miemasu. Watashi wa anata no atama de nani ga okotte iru no ka wakarimasen ga, anata wa watashi to tadashiku hanasu koto ga dekiru koto o shitte imasu ka? (You just seem so distant. I don't know what's going on in your head but you know you can talk to me right?)" That look in her eyes, I just couldn't bare to see it. What hurt even more was the fact that I was about to lie to that geniunley concerned face.

"Genkidesu, yakusoku shimasu. (I'm fine, I promise.)" I smiled before getting up from the bed, letting her hands slip from my shoulders. With that, I made my way downstairs to have the last dinner that I would be having with my family for a while. 

Little did I know how long that while would be.

END