The Thoughts In My Head

Chapter One: Self Reflection

Sometimes it feels like time stops. Almost as if everything is happening so fast that nothing is happening at all. Or you have this moment where you look around and feel out of place. An example would be that you and your friends are talking and someone says a joke, and everyone laughs. Everyone laughs, but your laugh is lost, you don't get the joke- or you don't think it's funny but you play along. As you're laughing, you look around and see that everyone's faces have a pink tinge to them. And then you feel like you're watching the home video of a group of close friends. You feel like you are interrupting, when you're supposed to be apart of it. A part of the great memories, and great friend group. You're supposed to be happy. But you feel lost. 

Later you lay on your bed, and you think back to that moment. The disconnected feeling you had comes back and swarms your chest. You want to be apart of something. You crave the connection that you never had, not because you never looked, but because nobody was around to really form one with you. When you picture your mind, you think of a black box. You can do anything in it though, you can change the colors, or turn the light on and get out of the darkness. You don't know that. You also don't know that you are in a cycle. A repeating cycle.

Being stuck in a rut is like being in quicksand. You know what's happening, but you don't know what to do. But sometimes you don't know. You don't know that you're in a rut. You only realize it when someone comes and pulls you out of it. When someone new comes into your life and to you they are like the sun. They give you warmth and feel safe. You smile whenever see them, and think about them. You let them give meaning to your already meaningful life. The relationship you have with them is beautiful. It's everything you could ever wish for. And you're happy.