random stuffs.

Drowning

Drowning

die through submersion in and inhalation of water.

But... I'm not in water.

So why is it I feel like I can't be..me?
Everyday at school I had to be a certain way to keep people happy, had to look a certain way, talk a certain way, walk a certain fucking way.

But then I'd go home, I'd bite, I'd claw, I'd try and get rid of every essence of that girl. Only for her to come back the next day.

I can't breathe in my own skin and my limbs are starting to feel numb. I don't feel like myself anymore.

But I also can't talk to people because apparently I scare others, or they're too busy to talk, or they just don't want to talk at all. So I just keep all the pain, sadness and fear around me.

Maybe that's what I'm drowning in.
Everything I held inside.

But then I go to talk about MPD. My multiple personality disorder.

Sometimes I fade unexpectedly and a one of my personalities identifies as a male. And a friend tried to be friendly bu saying how she knew how it felt to be treated like a girl. I understand it was meant with good intentions but the words "I can relate to what you're saying." Didn't settle too well with us.

Because in a way? She can't. She chose to be who she is. I on the other hand. Didn't choose to be this way. Mentally I was put through the deepest depths of hell. And this was the result.

And I cannot control who fades in when I fade out.

There was an argument and I feel so bad about it. She obviously doesn't want to talk. And frankly he can I explain that it. Wasn't. Me. She'll probably just brush it off as I'm bullshitting.

How can I blame her? 

So maybe I can't breathe because of the weight.

So many things have happened and I want it all to stop. But it won't I just... I honestly don't care anymore.

I'm just sick to death of pretending all the time. Pretending to be ok, pretending everything is fine. When it's not. And o know you guys offer your help but I've bottled everything for so long now that it's second nature now...

So once again...

Drowning

die through submersion in and inhalation of water.

Or by an overwhelming amount of problems surrounds you until you can't breath and you end up depressed, close to death.