dear dan // a dan howell fanfic

finale

Dear Dan,

This will be my last email. It's been a year, actually, since my last one. I sort of just stopped sending anything after I got too busy. I'm sixteen now, I had a party six months ago. I read all my old emails. For a while I forgot about them nearly entirely. Funny how something that meant so much to me at the time has lost a lot of meaning by now.

Of course, I still have my channel. Fifty thousand subscribers now. Only... one hundred twenty times smaller than your channel. That's a lot of inprovement, I guess. I don't know if you remember Gale. We're still going strong, with Pokemon holding us together. Ah, he's the Pika to my Chu, if that makes any sense. We went to the dance together again. Clara is pregnant, and as it turns out, they were getting married to cover it up. I guess she's not that perfect. It's going to be a girl, and I'm going to be an aunt. It's weird to think about, since all my aunts are old and wrinkly. I don't want to be like that, so I'm practicing my cool aunt skills.

Mom and Dad did find out about my channel, but they seemed pretty happy that I was expressing myself. Even if they were a little upset when they saw how random I was, they thought it was cool. Sort of. They weren't sure about the video I made obsessing about Pokemon, but that was pretty much it. I showed them one of Phil's videos (since you curse too much) and they said his hair was strange, but that he was also pretty funny. I was proud. As it turns out, Clara is a massive fan of Viners. I'm not sure I can forgive her for that, but it's strange to find out that she fangirls over things too.

There's also the wonderful thing that was what I like to call "The Collab." I was actually invited to be in a short film with PJ, which actually changed my life. He taught me a lot on the side, when we weren't filming. Also, he said that he actually like my videos! You may have seen me, I was one of the cloud people. That was incredibly fun to film, I've never done anything like it. And the costuming was amazing. How they get something so good-looking to be so comfortable? But if you read this, make sure to congratulate PJ on his awesomeness.

After that, someone from the film club at school stopped me in the hall, saying they had seen me as well as my videos. I nearly died. They invited me to sit and eat lunch with them in the music room, a place I've never visited since I only play piano and sing like a dying goose. But either way, I told Katie (that was her name) that I'd come and somehow navigated my way there at lunch.

Once I got in there I just got hugged by Katie. Like, I didn't even know her and she hugged me. People said hi and it was basically Tumblr in real life mixed SitC. People were playing guitar and piano and soon I was singing along to Panic! and Ed Sheeran. So I've found my new "group."A couple days ago while in the music room, sandwiched in between to of the most amazing people I've ever met underneath a table (don't ask, it was a dare) I had this sort of "Wallflower" intervention. Underneath that table, sandwiched in between two questionable people was where I wanted to be my whole life. Suddenly the fangirling, YouTube, parents, didn't matter as much.

One email I sent a while back taked about how all the fangirls want is to be noticed. That's true. What is also true is that they want to be happy. Sometimes they aren't. Other times they are. I think that's one reason vloggers are so popular. FunforLouis, he doesn't make many jokes or do funny things in his videos, he just explores the world and has fun. He's happy. Watching those videos, kids who can't do much and are stuck in school with parents constantly on their backs, they get a bit of that adventure, that happiness. Maybe that's why I don't watch you're videos like I used to, Dan. Maybe I've got my own happiness now.

So this is what it feels like. The conclusion, the end. It's a bit sad. I feel like these emails have nearly chronicled the last two years of my life. Me growing up from teen Mia to young adult Mia. I don't fangirl over your videos like I used to. Yeah, I still watch them when they come out, because they're good and relatable, but I don't exactly wait all day for a video just so I can be first commenter. I filmed a collab video with PJ, as well, just a talky little tag. Maybe one day we can film a collab, Dan. I know I would love to.

-Mia Harrison (Age 16)

OKAY, so I get this is the finale but there IS a sequel!!!!!!!! I don't think people realise this but after this part there is an alternate ending and a chapter talking about the sequel. So don't leave yet, because you probably want to read those.