Thoughts of depression

What do i want

School didn't work out.
My job sucks.
I wake up every day wishing I didn't.
I don't want to live this life anymore.
I want to help people, but how can I help anyone when I can't help myself.
Therapy stopped helping.
The meditation did too.
I get flashbacks constantly of things I wish didn't happen.
I can't remember the last time I was happy.
My friends don't understand.
None except one.
I don't know if he even truly likes me.
Does he just pity me?
Or does he truly care?
My brain tells me it's fake.
I want to believe it's not.
I wish I could fall asleep and not wake up.
I don't want this anymore.
I want to be happy, but what's the cost?
My health is declining.
Mental and physical.
I want to tell someone but the words never come out.
It's not fair.
But neither is life.