Thoughts of depression

That moment

That moment that changed my life forever will never be forgotten.
His hands touching me.
Him inside me.
I was so young.
None of it made sense.
I tried to scream, but nothing came out.
I was frozen in fear.
He told me he'd hurt my family if I told.
I went years without telling anyone.
It haunts me to this day.
I have flashbacks to the times it happened.
Many many times.
It makes me disgusted.
What did I do wrong for this to happen to my young self.
What did I do?
Why was it me?
I was wearing slacks and a nice shirt.
We were in church.
He covered my mouth, and told me not to make a sound.
I couldn't even though I wanted to.
If hell exists, I hope he rots there.
He took my innocence.
He took everything from me.
He made me want to die, then and still to this day.
The actions of this man still haunts me to this day.
I want to forget.
I wish I could forget.
I want to wipe my brain clean of this memory.
I want to pour bleach directly into the part of my brain this memory is held.
I don't care if it kills me.
That's what I want.