Forgotten memories

Remembrance

After getting home I set the back of paper, sour gummy worms, and pens on the kitchen table and went to sit on the couch. I figured I would stop by Squee's and give him the candy, since his stupid parents don't give him nice things. I'd probably eat a few of the cherry ones though.

I thought back to the journal I've looked at last night and got up to get it. After getting to my room I grabbed it off of the dresser and sat on the bed. Flipping through the pages I saw more doodles. Huh. They get better as I continue through. More writing. "I start school tomorrow I hope it will be fun and that I will make friends there." I shook my head. Even I remember school sucking. Still I didn't see anything really that bad. I giggled. "Today I got detention for saying 'Fuck' in class. I forgot dad and mom said that I should not say that word."

I decided to flip through more of the book. Then... I came across a page full of scribbled out words, cussing, and 'I WANT TO DIE' written everywhere. "When was this?.." as I flipped through things only got worse. The art improved, but the writing only got darker and sadder. One of the pages had a date on it. 'I love you both' it said '11-17-78'. I closed the book. I stared at the ground and felt tears well up in my eyes. Love?... That must be when my parents died..

"WHY CAN'T I REMEMBER ANYTHING!!!!"

I screamed about to throw something, but I picked the journal back up and a picture fell out. It's... my parents. How was this in there? All three of us were such a wonderful family. I could see it. I look a lot like my dad, but I have my mom's dark eyes.

"They died when I was seven..."

"I'm sorry for your losses. I'm glad you were able to remember something from your past though."

He's being nice to me?...
"I wish I could remember more.."

"Your memories will come to you eventually, just give it time. Why not visit your neighbor friend?"

"Ah right."
I grabbed the bag and headed to Squee's place.

< LATER (at the therapist)>
"So yeah.. then I found a picture of me when I was little with my parents that died a long time ago."

"I see Mr-"

"Cuevas."

"You remember your last name?"

"Now yes."

"This is good. Can you remember anything else?"

"No, not really to be honest. I looked through most of it. A lot of it is doodles of animals, then weapons, gore, and so on."

"I see. So has everything been going alright lately? Sleeping more?"

"The other day I walked into an alley and almost barfed, but besides that...yes? And I'm trying to subdue myself to sleep. It's difficult sometimes for me. Not sleeping much for years, you know?"

"Maybe something triggered that feeling in you. What usually makes you feel that way? Also that is good. I'm proud to hear that you are trying at least. I remember you saying you didn't want sleeping 'pills', but you can try natural supplements like melatonin."

"Huh.."
I thought for a moment and shivered.

"Well anyways thanks.. I'll take your advice on the melon stuff."

"Melatonin. You're leaving? We have a few minutes left. You're sure you don't want to discuss it?"

I sighed and didn't look back from where I now stood in the doorway.

"Yes..."

I left the building and walked down the sidewalk.

"Ahh! Hey-"

"You stupid-"

"Devi?..."

"NNY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!!"

"Oh. I just got out of therapy."

We both stared at each other uncomfortably.

"So you are fucked up."

"Y-yes."

More awkwardness.

"WELP. I'm gonna go. Thanks for not trying to kill me I guess. I'm glad you're seeking help at least."

I blinked and thanked God she didn't break my jaw or something. Fuck.. That would've been a shit day. Back to my home, I guess.

<Later at his house>
"When's the last time you showered? You still smell like the guy you killed a month ago."

"Blah blah.. Like a week ago."

"By the way...why do you always wear those clothes? The shirt and pants I mean."

"What? What the hell is wrong with liking my clothes?!!"

"Nothing. Why not put them in the washing machine for a clean at least?.."

"I don't have a washer or a dryer. I wash them in the shower, asshole."

"Do you wear them while you SHOWER???"

"Yes. Do YOU have a PROBLEM with THAT?!!"

"Ok ok ok!! Let's not argue over these pathetic things. Food and living is more important. Just figured since you like the CLEAN, you might know that this is disgusting. It's not weird. It's cleaning yourself. Simple."

"I don't like feeling vulnerable. Sleeping is bad enough..., but being nude in a room with water running. I don't do the whole 'naked' thing..."

"Whatever you say. The smell is pretty bad though."

"I know."
The weird little statue was right, even though I didn't want to admit it. So I went to the bathroom. The mirror was all covered in dust and gunk, so I wiped it with a cloth and looked in it. The scars on my face were beginning to fade some.

I pulled my shirt over my head and dropped it onto the bathroom floor and looked back into the mirror. Ah.. The scar from the guy who called me 'faggot'. And the lady who thought I was hitting on her.

My hand stopped at hem of my pants and I paused, but decided to continue. I tugged them down my legs and set the pair on top of my shirt. I took my socks off as well and stood there nervously in just my boxers.

Nope nope nope nope nope... This. This is fine. This is perfectly ok enough. Then I got in the tub and proceeded to shower.

< After showering and washing my shirt and pants>

I rung up my clothes and dried off with a towel and wrapped in around me and left the bathroom.

"Shower?"

"Yes, I did."

"I know that you left clothing on, but good enough. What about the boxers being soaking wet? Don't you have spare clothing?"

"Damn it Meat I tried!"

(Author note: Well this was freak'n awkward. Hope you're enjoying! The last chapter of this will be titled "End", still more to come folks)