I STILL LOVE YOU

Chapter 1~I Still Want You More

( EDDIE POV )

      It felt like it was just yesterday they were all thirteen, jumping off a cliff into the cold lake water.

      Seven children playing around, splashing one another as they laughed and had fun.

      They were young and didn't have a single care in the world. They were outcasts, losers, but they felt unstoppable together.

      Eddie Kaspbrak was one of those seven teenagers, the shortest out of all of them too. His life wasn't perfect, no. He had an overbearing mother who lied about how sick he was to keep him by her side and he was constantly bullied for his germaphobia and asthma. But he felt so safe around his best friends. They were truly a family to him.

      One of his friends felt a little more than just family to him.

      Richie the "Trashmouth" Tozier. Tall with gangly limbs, glasses almost larger than his face, black messy curls on his head, and a mouth that never stopped moving. It constantly oozed with crude jokes and snarky remarks about Eddie's mother, something that drove the smaller boy insane.

      But Eddie wanted to still be near him the most.

      He didn't understand the feelings he had for Richie. He frustrated Eddie to the point where he wanted to rip his own hair out, but then he wanted to remain close to him as they lied in the hammock of their clubhouse. Feeling their bodies touch made his cheeks flare pink, Richie constantly hugging him and his heart would jump, even how his knees felt like putty with each flirtatious comment directed at him by the taller boy.

      It took years for Eddie to realize that he was in love with Richie.

      And unfortunately, he realized that a little too late.

      Richie was never truly the most stable of the group. He was the jokester and was always laughing and smiling. But Eddie could see through the jokes and see how much pain he was in. As they got older, the breakdowns and panic attacks Richie would have increased. He knew that the ravenette didn't have the best parents at home and it was beginning to take a toll on him. The smaller boy always held him when this happened, wishing that there was something he could do to help the boy he loved.

      He never had the chance to. When the losers graduated high school, they celebrated at the quarry. Richie gave Eddie the biggest and longest hug he had ever received before going home, thanking him for everything.

      The next day, they discovered that Richie had ran away.

      He left Derry without a word, packed his things and didn't look back.

      Eddie wouldn't admit that he cried himself to sleep for three weeks after that.

      He was hurt and angry, feeling almost betrayed that Richie could just leave them without even a note. But deep down, he hoped his taller friend would finally find some peace and be happy now.

      It's what Richie deserved after all.

      Eddie kept in contact with the rest of his friends despite them all going their separate ways during college. They still talked and made plans to meet up once or twice a year. Even though everything seemed normal, there was something missing. No one to make jokes about his mom, to pinch his cheeks while calling him cute, to invade his personal space and tease him. Richie wasn't there anymore and no one had heard from him in years.

      God, did that hurt like hell.

      Eddie had recently moved to Los Angeles for a new job. It was a large city, something that made him uncomfortable. A part of him was used to the tiny town of Derry still, but he would make this work.