I'm gonna stick with the girls

weeekend

Finally a little time to relax. My parents have been hounding me lately. Well not quite hounding me. Just being more observant. More present in my 'interests'. I'm probably being paranoid. Like when your especially self-consious of something and you think everyone is noticing it. Everything's worse after being filtered through my overly paranoid brain. All while nervous ever time I get called down in a tone less than cheerful or friendly that skirts or dresses will be mentioned in an unpleasant way towards me. Well nobody her to witness me today or tomorrow or even the next day. Both of them being gone till Tuesday feels like if there is somebody benevolent up there they in the clouds or whatever they looked down and saw me and thought why the fuck not give them a break even if ever so slightly and just this once. The idea alone almost makes me want to join some type of religious. Almost. I would have to be very desperate to seek refuge some kind of higher being with greater knowledge than we could ever hope to possess even half of. I'm okay with being alone in the universe. With just myself - even if I hate myself and I'm untolerable - protecting myself. I can beat any shitty extra that comes my way and I'm going to be number one hero. Girl, boy or what-fucking-ever. That title is already fucking mine. I can feel it in my bones - in a similar way I know I'm a girl. I crawl of my bed kicking my bag to make sure it's firmly propped up in the corner of my room so I don't have to bother with tidying up books that got spilled over from my bag collapsing like a drunken girl on a Saturday night.
I begin to dig in my wardrobe. To keep any items hidden or away from suspicions. I hid them in different areas (even if just ever so slightly) of my room to keep them as safe as possible. I fish around under a box of old knick knacks and clothes.
My fingers latch onto the soft black material. I might be a girl but I'm not suddenly all UwU and soft. I pull it out carefully not to wrinkle it. I look over the simple piece of clothing. When I brought it I was a bundle of nerves. Normally being out in public and talking to people doesn't really bother me it's more of an annoyance than anything else but that day was a whole other topic. Anxiously, I had brought up the balck skirt and soft white jumper to the counter. The lady behind smiled at me. I felt so tense it was slightly insane.
"A gift for your girlfriend?" She asked nicely. Probably thinking I was just some guy trying to get a gift for his significant other and feeling really awkward over it because of my fragile masculinity. Which was kind of ironic and laughable in retrospect.
"Tch." I replied with noncommittal tone."
The woman catches on and changes pace. "I'm sure they're a very lucky person." She said waving me off. I slung the bag around my wrist and stuck my hand in my baggy pockets. I lifted up my hood to evade the yes of anyone who might know me as I fled home. Once arriving there I bolted up the stairs to avoid suspicion and hail of questions from my mum.
As soon as I entered my room I quietly closed my door and shoved the bag as deep into my closet as possible (A bit like me) and didn't dare look at it or even think about it. Though I tried not to every now and then when my mind drifted off - like when Aizawa is late for class - I would just think about the smooth texture of the skirt. Till one day the memory of the outfit was released from its confinements of the suppressed corner of my mind. I grabbed the bag form my white closet and haphazardly through the ensemble on. I couldn't look in the mirror I couldn't bring my self to. But I looked down at myself and tucked my jumper in with gentle precision. Smooth the contrasting fabrics I walked quietly around to my mirror. Almost solemnly. MY heart in my throat. The first time I'd ever let myself purposefully be feminine and I didn't want it to feel like a weakness or a drawback. I squeezed my eyes shut and just stood not thinking about anything while just standing there in front of the full-length mirror. I let them flutter open and gaze across at myself. I didn't mind it. I didn't look incredibly feminine. But I had a pretty small waist that made me look a bit more soft around the edges. I was toned with in the realm of still being slim. There were a few small almost unnoticeable details that made me feel a bit better. I felt comfortable. It felt weirdly right.
The vacuum cleaner whurred to life down stairs where my mum was probably attached to it by the handle. That always runs the risk of her bursting in. I scurried away to my cupboard shoving the clothes in as effiencrly and frantically as I could. Choosing loose sweatpants and hoodie to replace my previous cute outfit. I sneak a glance in my mirror. Just what I expected looked back. Bakugou the masculine boy. The boy who will ways be a boy.