Vampires Exist, But They're Not What You've Been Told

Introduction

Vampires exist, but they're not what you've been told. Vampires are magical creatures that look human and need to drink human blood to survive. They don't need anything like as much blood as most people think; they only need to drink the blood of one person, and an amount that you wouldn't notice any side-effects in a healthy individual with a healthy diet, other than an increased appetite, and even in a less healthy individual it probably wouldn't be anything worse than fatigue, possibly an iron deficiency or something if they already had a poor diet. Draining an entire human of blood would be very bad for a vampire - can you imagine drinking that much liquid all at once? They're bodies aren't any bigger than ours. They don't need much because, partly: human blood is very nutritious for them, and partly: they don't need to heat their bodies, which is one of the biggest things mammals use energy for. Having their blood drank isn't painful for humans; in fact it's quite pleasurable; in fact it's euphoric; in fact most humans find it's just like having an intense orgasm; in fact for many humans it's more intense than any orgasm they've previously experienced. 

When the vampire is about to pierce someone's flesh, a local painkiller is squirted from just below the tips of their fangs onto the person's skin right where they're about to bite. This means that it doesn't hurt at all when the fangs impale the flesh and find the blood vessel, normally in the neck. There are two holes just below the point of each fang, on the side closer to the vampire's mouth. One sucks the blood through it (it comes out in the roof of the mouth at the front, just where it starts to go up... or down? In?). The other pumps various chemicals into the person's blood stream, with three main purposes. One: a powerful overall painkiller without side effects (they are magical creatures) that makes them unable to feel any pain for the next hour and slowly wears off completely over the next three hours. Two: a powerful (and definitely magical) healing agent. The main purpose of this is so that the wound immediately heels after the vampire removes their fangs. It also heels up any other small wounds the person may have, as well as helping considerably with bigger wounds and often helping to some extent with most kinds of injury, illness, or ailment. Three: hormones that translate intense, incapacitating pleasure, so that when the vampire removes their fangs they either pass out from exhaustion or beg them desperately not to stop. Vampires also take great pleasure in drinking blood.

It's like venom, but not bad and all good. Many vampires try to use their 'venom' to help people who are hurt or in pain, but it's often difficult to do so without risking revealing their identity as vampires. 

Vampires feel sexual pleasure more intensely than humans, largely pertaining to the fact that their whole process is different. They have the ability to participate in a group conversation whilst experiencing sexual pleasure, even it it's only in an "I'm lost in my own thoughts and only vaguely listening to anything anyone is saying" kind of way. Although this is partly because they have an above average ability to concentrate on other things at the same time, it's mostly because vampires' sexual pleasure face is almost indistinguishable from humans' daydreaming face. Remember when I mentioned... well, the start of this paragraph? Their sexual experience is a kind of two-in-one. Instead of building up pressure and then a release of pleasure and then... that's kind-of it, you either stop or start again, they sort of have have both stages rolled into one. It's like the whole thing is one big orgasm that starts small and just gets more and more intense until they eventually pass out, which isn't actually at all unhealthy if you're a vampire or a human who gets regular doses of vampire 'venom'. Vampires' genitals are also more sensitive to sexual pleasure (and less sensitive to pain). They also transfer these two-in-one and increased-pleasure-decreased-pain powers to anyone they are having sex with (as in when they are having sex with them right then rather than in general if they have sex with them - Present Continuous?). 

With the sex and the biting, a vampire makes for a lover that nobody is going to leave in a hurry. That's a survival technique - they stay with one lover for the rest of that human's life as they serve as their sole blood supply. Vampires can not turn a human into a vampire: being a vampire is inherited; every child of a vampire is a vampire. Vampires extremely rarely pair up with other vampires, partly because it would really complicate getting blood, and partly because vampires are rare and most vampires don't know any vampires outside their family. (That sentence had 'vampires' five times!) As infants and young children they suck blood from a pierced finger, normally of their human parent. Vampires age normally until their prime as a young adult where they stop with that appearance their default. They can then choose to age like a human would if they want, they would then age at the same pace; they can't speed it up. They can return to default in an instant whenever they want to, but can't return without waiting the same about of time it took to get there. If a vampire aged for 40 years but then went back to default, it would take another 40 years to look like that again. Think of it like hair. If you want to grow out your hair, that's not a big decision; you could easily just get it cut and it be how it was again. However getting your hair cut to its original style again would be a big decision, as it would take a long time to grow it out again.