So hi, this is the start to my sort of diary. Don't judge it's just my life not very important so I hope you like it.
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Okay so I'm going to start when my dog died in July. For some people it might be stupid to still be sad about that type of tragedy, well to me it's not. Her name was Prima, she was a mini schnauzer. July 7th was the night I sort of fell to my slight depression. I cried every night and still do cause of that. I later got a 6 month old shnoodle named Luna. I still cry today. When I was little I was a strong girl but that changed this summer. I was now feeling sad and not happy about my self. I wasn't sure how to react to it. I later got control of it and started to get a little normal. Until school started. My grades were good but to my parents it's terrible. My lowest grade was a C. They started to compare me to my sister, and how much better she was. This led to another pit of depression. My life was rolling down hill and sort of still is. My parents lost all hopes in me at one point. That was my darkest time. I even considered... cutting but I am still strong enough to know that's not right. I haven't cut. But I am not happy with my self. It's a little hard to believe that when my friends read this, it will be the first time they know how I actually feel. I don't want anyone to treat me differently, just to think. I have learned that one part of my depression is friends or classmates, sort of like peer pressure. Whenever I am near this girl in my class, I always feel like she judging me. Just because I don't have Vera Bradley, or uggs. Well sorry that I'm not a fucking perfect. And my friends might already know who it is once they read that. I want to show who I am but I'm also judged by the world. I don't want to be the attention whore which I'm not, okay . I have been working as hard as I can in school. Also, trying to some how try to understand the type of technology my dad makes to reverse engineer it to upgrade it and show I CAN! It's hard to feel like a piece of dirt. But I can be the greatest. I already have ideas to campaign myself as student council president, and I'm to determined to let that go. I am really insecure with my body. I am also very shy but crazy at the same time. Isn't it painful to know that the one that you love doesn't love you back, I feel that every day. I break down easily. I cry my self to sleep sometimes. I love my friends, but it killed me that they didn't know who I actually was. " Now don't you understand that I'm never changing who I am.", Imagine Dragons song "It's Time". This doesn't go to my friends but to you other people hear me out.... YOU THINK YOU FUCKING KNOW ME, WELL YOU DONT OKAY. SO ANDREA, YANICIA, AND ALL YOU LITTLE THOT ASS BITCHES CAN GO SUCK MY ASS. THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I AM STEPHANIE PARKER AND I CAN DO WHAT EVER THE FUCK I WANT, DAMMIT.
