Forever Alone (Sebaciel)

Mixed Feelings.

Another new beautiful scar.
I pierced the cold metal thing against my soft pale skin. Enjoying this feeling, its relieving. It hurts. But does it matter? It's worth it. The pain is what relieves me. the only way I feel relieved.Its amazing but at the same time horrifying. More of the crimson starts dripping as I of deeper and deeper.i sit in the corner carving yet another one. I know its wrong. But it feels so right. My vision starts to go all white as I think of their remarks.
"Such an ugly brat."
Sorry that my ugliness bothers you.
I'm trying hard to be perfect.
"He'd be better off dead."
I know. Just please don't say that.its hurts me.
one day...I'll be gone and won't be a bother to the world. But I'll descend in the most painful way by torturing myself like this.all their rude sayings,they're all true!And the others whom they say care for me tell me to just plainly ignore them.but how can I?! They're all right... All of them.
I'm ugly
I'm pathetic...
...worthless.
I carve in three more last words.One in the thigh and the other two in the stomach.Those three words is what describes me,Ugly,disgusting and hideous.You think of me as beautiful?Well I think you're wrong.Tell me everything will be alright and I won't believe you,talk to me and I'll ignore you.Ill smile but I'll give you a fake one,I'll pretend to care but in real life I couldn't care less.Try and convince me what I'm doing is wrong and if won't listen because something in me is telling me this is right and that I deserve this,feel the same pain I've caused others but at the same time I know that I shouldn't be doing this that it's wrong but I push that feeling away deep down in me away with everything I don't need hope,faith,and...love.
I cry even more.
Why?
Why do people love to torment me?
...
These are three things that I don't need,they are what hold me down.If I were to have so much hope in everything I'd crumble knowing when the result of the cause would be disappointment.Theres a way how these things connect,If I were to have hope I would have faith and with that hope I would have the chance of falling fall in love.If I were to ever fall in love Id have so much faith in that person.I'm afraid of that special someone will grow tired.At first they'll act all lovingly but in time they will stop maybe even find someone else.
...

*Flash back*
(Near the Manor)
I walk around outside in my nightshirt looking at the lovely view outside I spotted some flowers,they were roses
My favorite.
I pick one up carefully trying not to prickle my self.I succeeded in grabbing the rose.I admire it,I continued walking in the garden.
I looked at all the trees,plants and animals.Its so beautiful at night it's quiet and peaceful. I come out here to take my mind off of things I feel free out here.I twirl around in circles still grasping the rose skipping away from the manor.Nobody will notice I'm gone.I reach to halt as I feels bushes come in contact with my arm scraping it lightly.
Might there be something mysterious behind this tree?
I push away the bushes with one hand still holding the rose with the other.
Minutes passed and I keep on going forward.I saw light and went towards it,I was finally out.
It was such a wonderful sight.
A big lake shaped like a heart and around it were roses of variety of colors.It was astonishing,just breathtaking.
It took me a while to take it all in.I started walking towards the lake,I sat down in the soft grass near it. I look at the rose that I still have and grasp it tightly.The thorns cut my skin letting the blood flow from the wound.I just stood there admiring the colors."Your such a lovely flower.why can't I be like you?"
"Be...beautiful."
I sob quietly but I cannot let myself do this to me.
I simply can't.
"I'm letting myself break a-and I don't have the strength to even try to stop it.Im just pathetic."
"Your not pathetic.Don't think that."
A voice appeared out of no were.
"Is there something troubling you?"
I turn around and come in contact with a guy who looked like he was in his twenties.He had hazel eyes that glimmered in the moonlight I must've dozed into them they were just so enchanting.his skin looks rough but really well toned he had a broad chest and he's really tall I could only reach up to his torso.
What I really adored was his face and how his dark brown hair fit perfectly into place.
"I was just checking if everything was alright in my garden until I heard crying so I came to see who it is and I found you."
(A/N:OH MY GOODNESS I JUST GOT MY FIRST VOTE!!!! I'm so happy now!!!thanks to you.Im inspired!!! :)
I didn't think I'll ever get a read.anyways what should his name be?(new character)You guys decide because i really have no idea on what to pick.
And don't worry this will still be a sebaciel love story just wait and see.
Me-Sebby will be in here later in they book.Aren't you sebby?
Sebby-Yes m'lady but I don't see why you have to add another male character to be after bocchan.More importantly my bocchan.
Me-You jelly sebby?
Sebby-Of course not miss Britny!
Undertaker-Possessive demon I see...hehehe. XD
(I hope you guys will enjoy my story.BYE. *hugs and kisses*)