When Nico's not at camp (book the first)

Nico

I walk across the boys dormitory and sit on the edge of my bed. The mirror of Erised. I had heard of it during my travels but i had never thought i would ever see it for myself. It had been rumored that men had gone insane looking into it. now i understand why. To see your hearts greatest desire and know that you can never achieve it is a burden too great for any mortal to bear. Tears start welling up in my eyes as i think about the smiling, laughing, happy Nico who had looked back at me. There was a time when I was that Nico. But not anymore. I bury my face in my hands. Its time again.

I summon Biancas knife. The blade is razor sharp as always.i roll up my sleeves and examine the dozen or so thin scars across each. The first time i had cut my self had been at after Bianca had joined the hunters, when my anger and sadness had been too much and i had needed to let it out. But after she died it had only gotten worse. And this was the only way i could express the pain inside. I press the blade against my arm and pull it quickly across the flesh. I tense as the wound flares. The sharp pain clears my mind as it always does. Then a burst of adrenaline fills me with energy. I make another cut, then another. Then i touch the knife to my wrist.

Its not like I haven't thought about it before. But i never actually... i look over at my statue of hades and my picture of Bianca. And finally all the emotion ive been holding back pours out. I begin to sob. "I cant do it Bianca. I'm not strong enough. I cant go through life alone. I don't want to."  I swing my legs onto the bed and pull the curtains around me.

I find myself in a haze. No a fog. Well not really a fog, more like a...focus Nico, its not important. As i gaze off into the hazy foggy nothingness a shape begins to form. A person. A girl. And before i realize it I'm looking into Biancas eyes. She smiles at me sadly. "Hello Nico." I look down. I cant meet her gaze. "Are you mad at me?" She places her hand under my chin and gently raises it untill my eyes meet hers. "No Nico, I'm not mad at you. This is nothing to be ashamed of. You just need a little help." I tear my gaze away from hers. "Who would ever want to help me? Even you gave up on me." I regretted it as soon as i said it. I knew it wasn't fair.

She reaches out and raises my chin again. I can see that tears are rolling down her cheeks but she's still smiling. "Leaving you was the greatest regret of my life, but i had to face my destiny. And yours is still ahead of you. The fates are cruel to you Nico. You are going to endure agonies i can scarcely imagine and bear burdens that would break someone like me. But you will endure Nico. Because you also have strength that i never had. And you are not alone. You have plenty of friends who will stand by you through any challenge you will face, if only you let them in." I begin to cry and Bianca pulls me into a hug. "I'm just too broken Bianca." "You're not broken", she whispers. "You're just a little lost. And when you're lost is when you learn to find your way." She leans in and kisses my forehead. "You need to wake up now Nico. You've been in a coma for nearly a month."

My eyes snap open and I find my self looking up at a vaulted ceiling. It takes me a few seconds to realize where i am. The infirmary at Hogwarts. I slowly push myself up to a sitter position, then promptly throw up all over myself and pass out again. When i come to again. I find The headmaster Albus Dumbledoor sitting in a chair next to me. "Hello Mr.Diangelo" I bury my face in my hands. "Oh gods do we really have to do this?" He seems amused by this. "Well seeing as how you've slashed your wrists to the bone i think it would be appropriate for us to have a brief discussion if it wouldn't be too terribly much of an inconvenience." I glance down at my writs and see them wrapped in several layers of Gauze and bandages. "Yeah." I acknowledge. "That was not my finest hour." Dumbledore eyes twinkle slightly.

"The Mirror of Erised Mr. Di Angelo is one of the more dangerous magical artifacts i have encountered in my many years. It twists the mind and distorts the thoughts, and the consequences are often catastrophic. As i believe you have discovered." I close my eyes but don't say anything. " I must ask Mr. diangelo that in the future if you ever feel so distraught again, you come to me, rather than take matters into your own hands." "I will", I promise. He smiles. "Excellent. Now i suggest you return to Gryffindors tower. Your house mates are most eager for you to recover. I open my eyes. "They are?" Dumbledoor loos down at me sadly. "Did you truly believe that no one would care if you died?" I close my eyes again and lay back into my pillow. "Well i assure you Mr. Diangelo that is no the case. You have plenty of friends who will stand by you through any challenge you may face. If only you will let them in. A smile tugs at my lips. Well played Bianca.