Dwelling Confinement

Within a endless few days

 The isolation I felt in the cell was nothing new. I had been in here for who knows how long, and not thinking about it made it better. I'd sleep, eat, do some exercises and repeat, just not in that order. It seemed like nobody else was here with me, no other prisoners, why I was put here, I don't know. But it felt better than where I was before, having to deal with the chaos of the outside world. I had appreciated the silence and the inner machinations of my thoughts. But the dwelling silence soon overtook me.

The silence had soon turned into an unbearable ringing, that I soon came to bare. I had nothing to lose but at the same time, nothing much to gain. The thing that put me to sleep was chirping of crickets or the buzzing of cicadas, all the noise in the world had seemingly vanished behind a few thick bars. Besides there being a window, the wind brushing against the leaves is all that was received by my ears.

One of the questions I have asked myself for so very long was "Why? Why do I put up with it?". Was it the calm of the sound? The thought of no longer being criticized by others? I had none to answer for me, and only I could answer for myself. But I knew, knew that when I questioned myself, I'd more than likely give the best outcome. Did that make me a liar? If so, who was I lying to?

I began to reflect, reflect on the life I lived, reflect on the people I knew. Those people, would they still know me? If they did, would they question where I was? I hadn't a clue, the silence within me made their voices crystal clear. As if they were talking to me, talking with such precaution in the most vast of space, their voices I heard without sound, but those people, my friends, are long forgotten, for the thief that is time, had stolen them from me.

It was night, and under the hush of the darkness except one candle light. I began to ponder as I heave within the covers of my bed. How long had it been? I hadn't grown a hair on my chin, or was I always like that? My pondering left me a question for which in time, I soon answered. Time was slowly picking away at what I had remembered, in turn, giving me peace, and the freedom to think. Should I count the days?

I wake from my bed, to hear the Crickets chirping and Cicadas buzzing. I stand up, and stare through the window up above my bed. Many stars filled the sky as if water drops on a spider's web. But it lacked the marvel of the many fireflies. The bio-luminescence of their bodies moving so freely, almost as if they shined as bright as the stars. But strangely enough, in many ways, they were like stars, they'd shine for time to come, only to die and fade away, leaving the darkness to shroud the light. But why did they have to go so soon?

I began to count the days, marking one down the wall with every passing morning. I didn't like it, for the crippling anxiety made me mull over the idea that I was gone for so very long. If these were the days I had counted, how many had I not? I stopped marking them, and erased them from the wall. I was confined to this room, but how was I supposed to feel about it?

I jump to enjoy the calm of being here. The bed in which I spent many hours sleeping and window I spent long nights looking. I had no reason to be happy, but I enjoyed it, for I was not happy, but satisfied. Should I question it too much? Being here is lovely and nice, but how so? Or should I just accept it, because I wouldn't be able to change it anyway.

Why was it so quiet? Nobody had or has been here for so long of a time, I found myself coughing at the breath of dust. Surely I'd hear people, cars, even a rat, but none to convey. Not even I had spoken for so long, so what if they're just like me? I opened my mouth, and was confused. I hadn't moved it for a very long time, but no sores, pops, or pains arose.

I find myself in the cell not being able to do anything. Everything felt so repeated, it became numbing. I push my back against the door. I hear a loud screech, it sounded so close but I couldn't recognize it, I have never heard an animal of the sorts, or had I? I turn towards the door confused of what the sound was. I find the door slightly open. I had no idea, was it opened? If that is the case, who opened it?

I push the door open and start wandering the corridors. My room seemed to be locked up more than the others. I make my way around, finding no others, to the exit of the building. I walk around the building, in which I hadn't thought, my cell was to the side of a forest, the building, was in a town. Not too big, with a chilling wind that sent papers and plastic rolling down as if they had taken pace of tumbleweeds.

I walked the small town, the poor hollow place, but had a single soul in it. I tried to look for today's date, and find it marked as December 11th, 2022. I walk around more and stop to rest, as I stand, a scorched newspaper gets wrapped around my leg. I pick it up and begin to read the headlines. "Disease has killed 85% of the population and is rising.", marked December 9th, 2022.

85% of the population? I don't feel too much from it but glad I was alive, was everybody in the world dead? All my friends and family gone? I had no reason to doubt it. I was the last one. I wander around more, and I find a place that seems familiar, and the door is opened. I stepped inside, the whole place had been ransacked. I look around, finding nothing much. There was some food, and I was without realizing it, incredibly hungry and thirsty. I grab some canned beans and a bottle of water, and eat it. Never once had something relieved me so much.

I make my way upstairs into a room that spots my eye. The place was ruined, but it felt nice to be there, almost as if it were an old friend. I find a cassette tape and cassette player. I decide to pop the tape in and listen. The words were of my own voice, explaining that I would attempt to kill myself by locking myself up in the cell because I couldn't live in this world, and would lie to myself to be in that cell until I was but a rotting corpse.

It shocked me, but what shocked me more was the date was only 3 days ago. What felt like eternity was only 3 days. I didn't know how to feel, but I let it go and started to walk the night with the past of what I'd said now engraved to my head. I followed the road down along with the lamppost's orange light. Along with the ember like fog that would catch my breath.

I hadn't a reason to live, not because I was sad or unhappy, but I didn't have a mind to share my thoughts with. I grab a backpack and fill it with journals. I walk to another part of the town, the city area. I find a skyscraper which looks like it has of great views. I make my way up the tower and look at the sky, all the stars like the night before.

I grab each notebook out of the bag, and fill it up with my thoughts over the night, up until dawn, down until dusk. With 11 o' clock striking, my journals are done. I walk to the edge of the building and look down, a long fall for anything. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I open my eyes and turn around, and start walking away. I whisper to myself "It'd suck to fall down there." I leave my bag on the roof and close the door as I make my way down.

I start my walk into the streets with abandoned cars and mist. If I had any idea where I was going, I would say, but I didn't. I wandered what was left of this fractured world. It had given me freedom, but just like the cell, the cold and gusty Earth, became my Dwelling Confinement.

I walked more and more, the cold and mist had faded, with the wind striking the leaves being the only noise I heard. It was fall, with all the orange and yellow leaves. I walk the road out of the town into the woods. I come across a small beach that has some rocks and a small dock. I walk up and down it, and even step into the water. The sun had started to set slowly, I stand on a rock and take it all in, how things may not be so bad. That not thinking about it, made life and the universe so much easier to appreciate. I start my way back to the road and I'm soon surrounded by hills and tiny mountains with forest on them.

 I walked up a small mountain with a cliff side. I made it to the top and sat down a few feet from the edge. Criss-cross I looked at the town and forest. The power lines moving from the wind. the sunset creating an orange sky, and the town far away to see how small it is. It was calm. Maybe I should be happy here. I yawn, showing the darkness of my sleepless eyes. I was weak and not too strong mentally too think anymore. "It only felt like yesterday I was a child, now I have hair on my arms and bags under my eyes" I chuckle. I am happy here. I close my eyes and rest my head against a nearby tree, too not open them again, not for a short while.