TEARS

"LET'S DO THIS, LETS TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPNED AND HOW WE LANDED HERE SHE SAID. MAYA KNEW THAT SHE WAS GOING TO EXPERIENC A TOTAL FLASH BACK OF MANY YEARS BUT SHE KNEW IT WAS NEEDED. HE WAS PERPARED FOR A FACT THAT SHE WILL BE EMOTIONAL AND JOSHUA PROMISED THAT HE WOULD SUPPORT HER THROUGHT IT BECAUSE THEY WANTED GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER BUT MAYA WAS UNAMBIGUOUS. MAYA DID NOT EXPECT HER LIFE CLOUD TO HAVE A SILVER LINING EVER. MAYA BELONGED TO An ORTHODOX GUJRATI FAMILY AND JOSHUA WAS A CHRIST BELIVER, BUT THEY NEVER IN THEIR WILDEST DREAMS THAT THEY RELIGION WOULD BE A BARRIER FOR THEM. SHE BEGAN "13 YEARS BACK I WENT FOR A WORKSHOP "I NEVER KNEW IT WOULD CHANGE MY ENTIRE LIFE; THE WHOLE THING WAS UPSIDE DOWN. 15 OF US STOOD WITH NOT QUITE HIGH EXPECTATIONS BUT SURELY DID NOT WANT TO REGREAT IT EVEN A BIT. I WENT IN SCEPTICAL BUT CAME OUT WITH A BUNCH OF NEW FRIENDS AND A BAG FULL OF MEMORIES. THAT WAS THE PLACE I SAW JOSHUA FOR THE FIRST TIME AND I LOVED SPENDING THOSE 15 DAYS WITH HIM AND THE OTHERS. I MAY HAVE FOUND MYSELF ATTRACTED TO JOSHUA CAUSE OF HIS BEAUTIFUL SMILE AND FUN-LOVING NATURE, CARING FOR EVRYONE AROUND HIM, YOU WOULD NEVER FIND JOSHUA NOT SMILING OR LAUGHING. HE IS A HAPPY GO LUCKY GUY. THAT WAS JOSHUA FOR ME 13 YEARS BACK. A FEW DAYS AFTER THE WORKSHOP JOSHUA AND I GOT TO TALKING AND FOUND OUR SELVES TO BE VERY FRIENDLY AND VERY FRANK ABOUT OUR LIVES WE GAINED QUITE ALOT OF TRUST. WE FELT THAT IN A FEW WEEKS WE WOULD ACE THE TRUST FALL BUT THE ONLY PROBLEM ... WEIGHT. AFTER A FEW WEEKS WE FOUND OURSELVES FEELING ATTACHED EMOTIONALY AND MENTALY. WE HAD NOT MEET FOR OVER 2 MONTHS, THE GROUP OF FRIENDS WHOM WE MEET THEY KINDA ALREADY HAD SOME IDEA THAT MAYBE WE ARE A"THING"THE LOVE THING BUT JOSHUA AND ME NEITHER OF US HAD SAID I LOVE WE JUST SAID THAT WE FELT ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER. WE BOTH EQUALLY FELT THAT LOVE WAS TO BIG A WORD IT WAS TO BIG A RESPONSABILITY TO COMMIT TO EACH OTHER FOREVER BUT NEITHER DID GIVE UP, WE BOTH HAD MUTUAL RESPECT FOR EVERTHING WE DID IN OUR PERSONAL LIVES. BACK THEN WE BOTH LIVED FAR AWAY FROM EACH OTHER, CHATS AND CALLS WAS SURVIVAL KITS FOR OVER 6 MONTHS BUT WE NEVER DATED WE JUST LOVE THE RELATIONSHIP WE SHARED IT WAS COMPLET BLISS, WEEKS PASSED AND WE TRIED TO KNOW EACH OTHER ALOT, AND FOR THE FACT WE DID NOT WANT TO MISS OUT ON KNOWING STUFF ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON. SO AS USUAL WE WERE CHATTING AND JOSHUA AND I, WE HAD THIS GAME CALLED WHAT IF SO WE HAS TO GIVE LIFE SITUATIONS THAT WE NEEDED TO ANSWER SO I ASKED JOSHUA " OHK IF U HAD TO CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT ME OR MY BODY OR ANYTHING WHAT WOULD IT BE " HIS REPLY MADE ME GO AWWWW AND SO WILL IT DO TO YOU HE SAID " I WOULD HAVE SHIFTED UR HOUSE SO I COULD SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOU " I WAS , AM AND WILL ALWAYS BE THIS CRAZY EMOTIONAL AND TEARS ROLLED DOWN MY CHUBBY CHEEKS . LITTLE DID I KNOW I WOULD HAVE THIS KIND OF A CONNECTION IN MY LIFE WITH ANYONE. SEATED IN THAT ROOM JOSHUA WALKED UPTO ME WENT DOWN ON HIS KNEES AND SAID WHILE WIPING MY TEARS "I CAN'T PROMISE TO FIX ALL YOUR PROBLEMS BUT I CAN PROMISE YOU WON'T FACE THEM ALONE". I JUST FELT SO BLESSED AND THAT MOMENT TO FIND SOME ONE LIKE HIM IN MY LIFE. JUST LETTING YOU GUYS KNOW WE NEVER DATED EACH OTHER IN OUR CHILD HOOD WE CALLED OUR SELVES SPECIAL FRIENDS. WE FELT THAT DATING WOULD COMPLICATE THINGS AND THE FACT THAT AFTER BREAK UPS 90 % OF THE TIMES THE FRIENDSHIP BREAKS AND ONE STARTS TALKING BAD ABOUT THEIR PATNER AND NEITHER OF US WANTED TO TALK BAD ABOUT EACHOTHER EVER , WE USED TO FIGHT LIKE CATS AND DOGS AND BOTH OF US HAD BIG ASS EGO WE WOULD NOT TALK FOR DAYS SOMETIMES BUT WHEN WE WOULD START TALKING WE WOULD FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT HAD GONE BACK TO NORMAL . LIFE WOULD JUST GO ON. I REALLY HAD STARTED FEELING FOR JOSHUA AND IT WAS BIG LIKE THE CRUSH , BUT IF I HAD A CHOICE I WOULD CHOOSE OUR FRIENDSHIP OVER A RELATION SHIP CAUSE I THOUGHT IT WOULD LAST REALLY LONG BUT WHEN I LOOK BACK I FELL SOMEWHERE DOWN THE LINE I MAY HAVE CURSED OUR FRIENDSHIP SOMEWHERE BECAUSE A FEW MONTHS AFTER THAT I AND JOSHUA GOT INTO A HUGE FIGHT WHICH LEAD US TO STOP TALKING BECAUSE HE HID A BIG SECRET OF HIS LIFE FROM ME AND KEPT LYING TO ME , AND FOR ME TRUST WAS A VERY BIG DEAL. I WAS HURT, UPSET I FELT LIKE THE WORLD HAD COME TO AN END COMPLET STANDSTILL, IT WAS VERY EMOTION FOR ME. BUT I GOT MYSELF TOGETHER I THOUGHT WHATEVER HAPPNED OR WHATEVER WILL HAPPEN WILL HAPPNE FOR THE GOOD. JOSHUA WAS JUST APART OF MY LIFE , A CHAPTER IN THE BOOK OF LIFE AND I NEVER IMAGINED THAT OUR FRIENDSHIP WOULD COME TO AN END THE WAY IT DID , I WAS KINDA TRAUMATIZED AND DID NOT KNOW HOW TO REACT ABOUT THIS WHOLE SITUATION , JUST HOW ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO AN END , THE SAME HAPPEND TO OUR FRIENDSHIP AND THATS WHAT I KEPT IN MIND AND MOVED AHEAD IN MY LIFE . I KNOW YOU MUST BE WONDERING AT THE AGE WE SPOKE ABOUT LOVE AND COMMITMENT AND FACT ON MOVING FORWARD BUT ALL THIS HAPPNED BECAUSE OF THE BOOD IT WAS MAGICAL AND FULL OF LOVE AND SILLY INSIDE JOKES. BUT AFTER THAT INCIDENT I MADE MY HEART AND MIND STRONG FOR THE FACT THAT JOSHUA WAS NO MORE A PART OF MY LIFE AND THAT HIS CHAPTER IN MY LIFE HAD CLOSED I HAD PLANS TO BREAK THE FRIENDSHIP WITH HIM AND FOR ALMOST SIX MONTHS WE DID NOT TALK TO EACH OTHER. I WOULD BEHAVE LIKE EVERTHING WAS FINE WITH ME BUT FOR A FACT NOTHING WAS I WAS SMILING OUTSIDE BUT DYING ON THE INSIDE. THEN THERE WAS THIS ONE WEIRD DAY ,I GOT A CALL FROM A RANDOM NUMBER FOR A FEW SECONDS I THOUGHT THIS COULD BE JOSHUA,I ANSERWED THE CALL I WAS WONDERING WHO WOULD CALL ME BECAUSE MOST OF THE CALLS I GOT HAD THEIR NUMBER SAVED TO MY PHONE AND THE FACT THAT I GOT ONLY 2 CALLS IN THE DAY ONE MY MOTHER AND MY BEST FRIEND ,CHLOE ,I ANSWERD AND IT WAS JOSHUA HE CALLED ME AFTER 7 LONG MONTHS I WANTED TO BE VERY RUDE AND LEAST INTRESTED IN THE CONVERSATION BUT THAT WAS NOT HAPPNING ,THE FIRST THOUGHT WAS MAYBE HE HAS CALLED TO RESOLVE OUR FIGHT. I HEARD THAT VOICE AFTER SO LONG HE SAID ," MAYA I WANT THIS FRIEND SHIP BACK I DID NOT CALL YOU FOR SO MANY MONTHS BECAUSE I DID NOT HAVE THE COURAGE TO FACE YOU AFTER DOING SOMETHING SO BAD TO YOU I JUST NEEDED TO GET MY SELF TOGETHER AND TODAY I FILNALLY GOT THE COURAGE TO CALL YOU . I CALLED TO TELL YOU THAT THE FRIENDSHIP MENT ALOT AND THAT THIS FRIENDSHIP WAS MAKING ME HAPPY AND BROUGHT JOY TO MY LIFE AND HAS CHANGED ME ALOT .I AM TELLING YOU MAYA I USED TO WAIT FOR OUR CALLS , I LOVED SPENDING MY TIME WITH YOU ,TELLING YOU ABOUT MY DAY AND ALL THE MILLION LITTLE THINGS THAT WOULD HAPPNEN , IT FELT LIKE A STRESSBUSTER AT THE END OF THE DAY . IT WAS PERFRCT ". CONVINCING MAYA WAS MY ONLY GOAL AT THAT TIME I NEEDE HER, WANTED HER. IN THE BACK OF MY MIND I WAS LIKE MAYA DO YOU WANT THIS? I WAS GIVING SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT BECOMING FRIENDS AGAIN BUT THEN I TOLD JOSHUA "I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TRUST YOU LIKE BEFOR, AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO ME. IT WILL BE DIFFICULT TO GAIN THE TRUST BACK .IT WAS VERY DIFFRENT , EVETHING CHANGED EVEN THOUGH WE WERE THE SAME PEOPLE ' JOSHUA AND MAYA ' THE FEELING WERE NOT THE SAME THAT WE HAD , IT DID NOT SEEM RIGHT . I FORGAVE JOSHUA AND WE BECAME FRIENDS AGAIN, WE STARTED TALKING REGULARY. WE TRIED TO GET OUR SELFS TOGETHER AND WE FELT THAT MAYBE WE COULD WORK THIS OUT. WE TRIED AND IT WENT ON FOR SOMETIME BUT I FELT THAT OUR FRIENDSHIP WAS DRAGGED ON AND IT WAS NOT AS MEANINGFULL AS IT WAS A FEW MONTHS BACK. I CALL TIME RESUCED FROM 45 MINUTES TO 15 MINUTES STRAIGHT. I WAS WORRIED AND SCARED AT THE SAME TIME IF I HAD MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE OR IF I HAD LET THE WRONG PERSON BACK INTO MY LIFE , THE SAME PERSON WHO BROKE MY HEART HAVE I LET HIM WALK INTO MY LIFE TO FEEL BETRAYED AND SAD ALL OVER AGAIN .THE ONLY THOUGHT I HAD WAS IF ALL THIS HAD TO HAPPEN ITS BECAUSE OF A REASON AND IT WAS WRITTEN IN MY LIFE . JOSHUA AND I BOTH STRONGLY BELIVED THAT WHATEVER HAPPNED, HAPPNED FOR GOOD. THERE IS NOTHING THAT GOD HAS DONE WITH OUT A CAUSE. MONTHS WENT BY, BEING GREAT FRIENDS. WE USED TO MEET ONCE IN MAYBE 2 MONTHS LIFE WAS GOING SMOOTH WITH JOSHUA. ONE AFTERNOON I GET A CALL FROM JOSHUA PHONE BUT IT WAS JOHN ON THE CALL AND I WAS SCARED BECAUSE JOSHY WAS A KINDA PERSON WHO WOULD FIGHT ALOT WITH PEOPLE IF THEY EVER DID ANYTHING TO ANY OF HIS FRIENDS , I BET YOU JOSHUA IS THAT KINDA WHO WILL STAND BY YOU COME WHAT MAY , I REMEMBER VERY WELL THE SECOND TIME JOSHUA AND I HAD MEET HE GOT INTO A MASSIVE FIGHT WITH THIS GUY BECAUSE HE WAS STARING AND TRYING TO GET ALL CLOSE AND ALL , AND THAT DAY I CAME TO KNOW THAT THIS GUY WILL BEAT UP ANYONE FOR ANY GIRL FOR ANY MATTER NOT FOR THE REASON TO SHOW THAT HE IS A HERO BUT FOR THE FACT THAT HE REALLY CARE AND WANTS YOU TO BE SAFE . WHENEVER WE USED TO MEET AND IT WAS TIME TO GO HOME , I WOULD EITHER GO BY THE LOCAL TRAIN OR CAB , HE WOULD WAIT TILL I ENTERED AND HE KEPT CALLING AND ASK IF I WAS OK AND HIS MOST USED PHRASE WOULD BE ' CALL ME IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG , TRAVEL SAFE, CALL ME ONE YOU REACH HOME ' . THAT IS THE PROCTIVE JOSHUA FOR ME .YUP BACK TO THE CALL , JOHN SOUNDED WORRIED AND KINDA SAD , I GOT ALL KINDA THOUGHTS IN MY MIND BUT I SAID TO MYSELF" MAYA THIS GUY IS STRONGE AND NOTHING CAN HAPPNE TO HIM HE IS YOUR STRONGE , MACHO , POWERFUL JOSHUA , REMOVE ALL THSES RUBBISH THOUGHTS FROM YOUR MIND " JOHN SAID THAT JOSHUA HAD MET WITH AN ACCIDENT AND THAT HE HAD BROKEN HIS LEG AND HAD A HE HAS HIT HE HEAD REALLY BAD . I WAS QUIET , I DID NOT KNOW HOW TO REACT AND THE FIRST THING WAS TEARS, I ASKED HIM HOW BAD WAS IT AND HOW WAS HE DOING AND HE SAID " MAYA HE IS DOING OK AND HE ASKED ME TO CALL YOU IN THE LIST OF FRIENDS BUT HE SAID THAT HE WILL NOT DO OK IF YOU CRY , MAYA HE WILL BE VERY HURT IF YOU CRY HE WOULD NOT WANT TO SEE CRY ANYMORE AND AFTER EVERTHING THAT HAPPNED I GOT MY SELF TOGETHER THE ONLY THING I DID WAS PRAYED FOR JOSHUAS RECOVERY. I DECIDE TO GO SEE HIM EVEN THOUGHT HE STAYED FAR I WANTED TO DO THIS; I COULD NOT BE WITHOUT SEEING HIM. I TOLD MY PARENTS THAT I WAS GOING TO MEET ME FRIENDS FROM COLLEGE AND THEY WERE COOL WITH IT. I LEFT THE NEXT MORNING REACHED THE HOSPITAL. JOSHUA'S MOM AND JOHN WERE SITING THERE, I WAS VERY COOL WITH JOSHUAS MOM WE USED TO TALK SOMETIMES. SHE WAS SHOCKED AND HAPPY TO SEE ME. I WALKED UP TO HER AND HELD HER HAND AND I SAID "AUNTY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO TOTALLY FINE, YOUR SON IN THERE IS A REALLY STRONGE GUY AND AUNTY HE REALLY LOVE YOU AND YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO HIM AND HE KEEP TALKING ABOUT YOU. HE WILL NOT SHOW IT BUT HE IS REALLY SCARED TO LOOSE YOU AND HE KEEPS TELLING ME THAT HE DOES NOT HAVE THE GUTS TO COME AND TELL YOU HE LOVES YOU HE IS SORRY FOR WHATEVER HE HAS DONE" SHE WAS IN TEARS AND HELD MY HAD AND CRIED , I WIPED HER TEARS AND WENT TO JOHN . I ASKED HIM IF AUNTY HAD GONE HOME AND HE SAID NO. I ASKED HER TO GO HOME AND EAT SOMETHING AND TAKE SOME REST AND TOLD HER THAT JOHN AND I WILL TAKE CARE OF HIM FOR A FEW HOURS. SHE LEFT AND I WAS READY TO MEET HIM, I WAS KINDA EMOTINAL BECAUSE I WAS SEEING MY BEST BUD IN PAIN, TEARS WERE THERE AND JOHN WIPPED THEM AND SAID "MAYA DONT DO THIS IT WILL MAKE HIM WEAK AND THAT IS SOMETHING WE CAN NOT DO. HE NEED TO BE CALM AND SEEING TEARS IN YOUR EYES IS NOT GOING TO HELP HIM ". I WALKED INTO THE ROOM, I SAW HIM LYING ON HIS BED I WALKED UPTO HIM AND PUT MY HAND ON HIS HEAD. HE WOKE UP AND LOOKED KINDA SURPRISED HE WANTED TO SIT UP; JOHN HELPED HIM. "MAYA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? HOW DID YOU COME AND WHY"? "JOSHUA CALM DOWN, I CAME TO SEE YOU BECAUSE I WAS WORRIED AND I NEEDED TO SEE YOU I COULD NOT SLEEP I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU. HOW ARE YOU FEELING AND HOW DID THIS HAPPENE.
HE TOLD ME EVERTHING HE WAS HIT BY A CAR AND ALL THIS HAD HAPPNED. NO ONE WOUD TELL THAT THIS BOY HAD MET WITH AN ACCIDENT NOT EVEN 48 HOURS BACK HE'S NICELY LAUGHING AND JOKING AROUND. THEN JOSHUA GOES "ACHA LISTEN MAYA YOU WERE TO GET ME A GIFT RIGHT I WON THE BET, WHERE IS IT HA"? I LOOKED AT HIM AND SAID "JOSHUA YOU REMEMBER EVERYTHING, THE GIFT I DID NOT BY BUT I HAVE SOMETHING ELSE. "IF I COULD GIVE YOU ONE THING IN LIFE I WOULD GIVE YOU THE ABALITY TO SEE YOURSELF THROUGHT MY EYES AND YOU WILL COME TO KNOW HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME AND I PROMIS YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE IN ANYTHING, SICKNESS PAIN HAPPINESS OR CRAZY TIMES AND THIS IS PROMISE TO YOU".I SAW JOSHUA KINDA TEARING UP AND I SAT NEXT TO HIM AND KISSED HIM ON HIS FORHEAD AND TOLD HIM "JOSHA THIS IS A LIFE TIME PROMISE ... IN THAT MOMENT JOSHUA JUST HELD ME AND HUGGED HE TIGHT AND SAID " YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT HAS HAPPNED TO ME AND I DON'T EVER WANNA LOOSE YOU AND I AM SO SORRY FOR EVERTHING I HAD DONE TO YOU AND I MADE YOU CRY SUCH PRESIOUS TEARS AND HID THAT BEAUTIFUL SMILE FOR SO LONG". WE BOTH WE HUGGING EACH OTHER SO TIGHT AND CRYING BITTERLY. I JUST FELT SO SAFE IN HIS ARMS, MY WHOLE WORLD FELT PROTECTED AND FELT LIKE I LEFT ALL MY FEARS AND PROBLEMS BEHIND. I JUST FELT LIKE JUST LYING IN HIS ARMS FOREVER.THE HUG ENDED AND I LOOKED AT JOSHUA AND I HAD TEARS AND HE WIPPED THEM AND SAID "IF YOU EVER LEAVE ME JUST KNOW I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO LIVE, MY LIFE WILL COME TO AND END. AND MAYA MY LOVE I JUST WANNA TELL YOU THANK YOU FOR COMING INTO MY LIFE ABND CHANGING MY LIFE AND ME AS A PERSON AND YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME AND I PROMISE YOU THAT TILL THE DAY I AM BREATHING I WILL LOVE, PROTECT AND CHERISH YOU .... I WAS COMPLETY IN TEARS I DID NOT KNOW HOW TO REACT ABOUT IT, THE LOVE THE ATTENTION. I WAS JUST THINKING WHAT MY LIFE WOULD BE WITH OUT HIM. I SAT FOR A FEW HOURS WE SPOKE AND WE HAD SOME HOSPITAL LUNCH. I DID NOT WANT TO BUT I HAD TO LEAVE IT WAS GETTING LATE I SAID BYE TO BOTH OF THEM AND LEFT WITH TEARS IN MY EYES AND JOSHUA CALLED OUT TO ME "MAYA TAKE CARE, CALL ME ONCE YOU REACH AND TRAVEL SAFE, I AM SORRY I CAN'T COME TO DROP YOU. LOVE YOU CALL ME ONCE YOU REACH" I RAN TO JOSHUA AND GAVE HIM A TIGHT HUG AND I WISPERED IN HIS EARS " I LOVE YOU , TAKE CARE " IN RETURN I GOT A ' I LOVE YOU AND YES I WILL TAKE CARE OF MY SELF AND WILL COME AND SEE YOU SOON'. 2 WEEKS PASSED JOSHUA WAS OUT OF THE HOSPITAL, HE WAS ADVICED COMPLE BED REST I USED TO VIDEO CALL AND KEEP IN TOUCH. SO, ONE AFTERNOON WHEN MY PARENTS WERE NOT AND HOME, THE DOOR BELL RANG AND JUST THEN I GOT A CALL FROM JOSHUA. IT WAS THE MAIL MAN AT THE DOOR, THE LETTER WAS FOR ME AND IT WAS SENT BY JOSHUA. I ANSWERED HIS CALL AND HE SAID "MAYA THIS I SOMETHING I WANT YOU TO READ AND I WANT TO SEE YOUR REACHTION SO I WILL BE ON THE CALL AND I WANT TO YOU TO READ THE LETTER LOUD AND YOU CAN TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS YOU WANT". I RIPPED THE ENVOLOPE OPEN AND I STARTED READING