Understandable

Falling apart

I'd like to pick myself up and brush everything off like I used to do, but I can't. I can't keep pretending that every time my phone rings I'm not hoping it's you. I can't look at her smiling at me and looking at me like I'm the world when in the back of my mind I'm wishing she was you. It's not fair to her it's not fair to me, it's just not fair how much I still love you. You made everything so much better than it really was, and now... everything's just dull and boring. You helped me heal and learn to love myself and i don't know if during that process you learned to stop loving me but it's not fair. Now I hate looking at myself in the mirror I hate smiling when I want to cry. I hate that every time I smell that perfume I close my eyes and smile and hope to open them and you be staring back at me like you used to. I hear you laugh in a crowd and I still stop and look to see if it was really you, but it never is. Even after all this time even after all this pretending to be alright with everyone around me I'm not. I'm not okay, and I don't know how long it's gonna take me to be okay and I hope someday I am, but that day is obviously not today.