TRAUMA

Trauma part ll

Dating as a trans man... easy right?... wrong , there so much more to it than you think, its being abused emotionally , physically , and mentally. My dating scene hasn't always been rainbows and glitter, I have a story, many in fact two in which have pathed the way I identify now as a queer Transgender Man. I was 11 when I first got into a " relationship" he was 12 at the time, we got together under his conditions, he then later found out we weren't cousins like he thought, now we enter the realm of being abused emotionally and physically, going to his house to ''hang out'' to then find out he wanted me to stand feet away from him so he could shoot me with Nerf Gun bullets for his entertainment, i would then go home and cry and wear long clothes to hide the evidence of what seemed to be true love to everyone else...

But behind closed doors I was the girl being shot at with nerf gun bullets, having magazines thrown at me, sworn at... in society girls are told to be quiet, that they don't have a voice and I fell for this trap till a few months ago.. the 2nd time happened at school, 3 months after the first incident or quote on quote relationship, i was year 7 now, the guy the incident happened with was year 11 or 10 I can't remember and don't really want too, I got severely bullied for that event.. people were saying;

"oh you caused that"

"you wanted that "

" why don't you just run off with him and get pregnant"

to then find out a few weeks later the same guy had moved in next door to my dads house , if the event at school wasn't traumatising enough..

it then happened a third time but not as bad, I now identify as trans, so I met this person at a seminar at a local school in my area. The seminar is now over, I've gone home not being able to talk to this person, so I go home and find a social media handle of someone at the seminar and asked then do you have so and so's social media. They then gave me this persons snapchat so I decided to add then and try start talking to them, a few weeks have gone by, we are talking regularly and start a relationship, it was all sweet and romantic until one day they pressured me into sexual activity that I didn't want to reciprocate to them.. and because I couldn't say no I just went with it , until one day I had opened up to them about what had happened prior to our relationship and yet again I got taken advantage of, at this point I'm used to it until one day I had enough

I had opened up to mum about what had happened between me and my current partner at the time, she then spoke to their parents , they understood for like a week then went back to their own habits. Fast forward to now march 1st 2020 I have ended that relationship and I'm now in a perfectly healthy relationship and have been for almost a year (a year in April ) , my current partner accepts my differences , we communicate when things are not right, I've learnt to stand up and say no when I need to and they accept that I say no and stop. I refuse to let these traumatic experience define who I am as a man, I now know what is the difference between a good and bad relationship and a healthy and not so healthy relationship.

so if you are reading this and in the same position , please leave , I know you probably don't want too but your mental health is at stake, please stay safe and speak up when you need too . this a story of a transgender man and his experience of love.