"why is it that when your not looking for love it seems to come , but when you need loves comfort ,at the most vulnerable times its hiding ?" i asked him a reasonable question , the look on his face knowing that he knew the question was about him . he didn't say anything , not a single word , he just stood there looking at me . but it was the look that was interesting it wasn't an annoyed look , it was a curious look . i stood my ground and just kept looking up at him , my small short frame squished under his tall built frame .he was intimidating , but not to me .
I wasn't afraid of him , at least not physically , but mentally, that was a whole different story . his intense gaze made me flush red and the knowing that my eyes where watering , i looked down ashamed at myself as i felt a tear roll down my face . the cold crisp air biting at my cheeks . i knew from the beginning not to let ANYONE in , men where evil and uncaring, even fathers .... even my father .for as long as i can remember every single life i have ever come to know has come crashing down at my feet, i was adopted taken from home to home until i had finally come to know that the only person i could truly have always by my side was my self and from then on i did, i took care of my self and let everyone else know that there was no room for them in my life, and now look whats happened i have made yet another mistake of letting someone in, only to watch everything come down and now look, i am stuck here hurt again and because i let him in . i knew not to let it happen... but i couldn't keep blaming him not anymore , i knew , i knew what was coming out of this , just another bitter cold heart break .
what i didn't understand is what happened next . his hand whipped away stray tears falling from my cheeks , his touch making me quiver , i planned on keeping my face down i wasn't supposed to be crying , i was supposed to look strong ,and be strong . just like everyone says " what doesn't kill you makes you stronger... right?'' i guess that just wasn't the case because after a year of not seeing each other i still came back because i couldnt stay away.. no matter what he did, no matter what he says i couldnt stop loving him... i couldnt get him out of my head... i knew i was strong on the out side , it was mentally what haunted me was on the inside .his hand went under my chin and slowly pulled my face up , i kept my eyes down not wanting to look into his eyes ,scared of what i might see inside them . " look at me " he spoke smoothly but demanding and forceful , i did as he said , i always did , i probably always would. because the fact is, i was completly 100% in love with him. it didnt matter what i did where i went, if i wasnt with him then i wasnt home.
i think the reason i feel so diffrent about him then i have anyone else is because hes the closest thing i have ever felt to a home, something ive always wanted but never had.
