It's me again. I just wanted to tell you that I miss you, but I always do, you know that right? I haven't cried over you for a while. Is that a good or a bad thing? I don't know, please tell me because I'm so fucking confused and lost without you.
Can you even imagine how it feels like going to talking every hour of the day from n o t h i n g ?
I do remember when you started to care less about me. You didn't pay that much attention to me anymore. Sometimes it took you h o u r s to respond to me. I didn't really mind the wait though, at least I would get an answer.
Maybe it wouldn't be the same, hell it wasn't even close. But just talking to you made me feel okay, at least for a while.
Just because you let me go that quick, simple, easy, without any tears falling from your eyes, didn't mean I did. God, do you ever think about it? Do you ever think about me?
I always wonder, does he think of me? Did he think of me today? Does he miss me yet? Do or did you ever miss me, having like those moments ever doing that?
Do you have a new one? Is she better than me? And then I remember, yes. Of course she is better than me, I wasn't good enough for you in the first place. I often told you that, knowing you would say the same towards me; I deserved better. I was too good.
Such bullshit, I know. But here I am, still six months later. Or is it seven now? And I can't stop thinking about New Year, knowing that this will be the first year without you in my life, just knowing that 2014 is ending without you by my side is breaking my little heart in to more pieces, crushing it all together making it even smaller.
Last year, I remember drunk texting you. What? I have no idea, I accidentely removed that conversation and you didn't dare tell me what I ever said to you.
But after all, those stupid texts had a good effect on us.
It all started really, at christmas, I think? I remember you sending me a "Merry Christmas, H".
That made my insides jump up and down, doing some flips at the same time. I remember s m i l i n g.
I miss doing that with you, smiling.
Will you do the same this christmas? Or will I, just to be friendly?
I don't know.
It would just make me upset if you didn't respond or would just answer me back with; " you too ".
There's so many things I miss about us. Like you always meeting me at the station, hugging me tightly.
Having those both sweet and heated kissing in your bed. Hugging, laying down. Falling asleep together. Holding your hand, playing with your hair. Just t o u c h i n g each other. It was great, all of it.
I can proudly admit that 2014 have been the most great and horrible year for me. Yeah, you will take all the credit for both of them. No need telling you why that is, right?
Anyways, I don't want to make this too long and diffifult for you, or me for that matter. But hey, who gives a flying fuck about me and my feelings?
I hope you're doing alright, and that you're happy.
That's what matters the most to me. You will always matter to me, and I will forever and always be here for you, like it or not.
I feel so pathetic for writing you letters, you would probably laugh at me if you found out.. Anyways, I hope you're feeling well and are living a happy life.
I miss you, sweetie.
- H.
YOU ARE READING
Letters to J.
Romance'someone once told me the most helpful way to get over your ex is to write them letters, so that's exactly what I'm doing. The difference is that this is a real story. My letters to my ex, shared between you and I.
