Could It be?

Could It Be? (Part 2)

Monday March 28th Journal Entry: 30 (continued)

After we put on our clothes, it was just complete silence. We just sat at the edge of the bed (well his sister's) and I guess....just thought. A lot ran through my mind. "What I am pregnant"? "What if I can't keep it"? "Abortion"? My mom had me young, and I really didn't want to be another one. As I was thinking, Storm let out a deep sigh that startled me for a second. It sounded fake. I think he did that just to break the ice or something. He then put his arm around my waist and kissed my forehead, "were in this together" he said in a comforting tone. I was sullen on the inside, but just didn't show it on the outside. I REALLY didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure if I WAS pregnant so that kinda made me feel..........better? "I'm going to bed". Okay I wasn't really going to bed, but I just wanted to be alone. In the dark, crouched up in a ball, staring at the dark. "Okay", Storm replied. He reached out as if he knew I was going to hug him. I pretended like I didn't notice. I'm not mad at him I just....idk.

Tuesday March 29th Journal Entry: 31

It's 5:00am I just woke up, well technically not just woke up I sleep on/off. I have to find out for sure. ITS EATING ME ALIVE.!!! I'll ask Storm if he can take me to the pharmacy to get a pregnancy test. The moments that make people scream to the top of their lungs, are the moments that makes me continue cutting myself. I started cutting myself the time everything went downhill. It took over me. My mom then found out from finding bloody tissues, and a razor. When she confronted me, that's when the anxiety kicked in. I had to see a therapist like I was crazy or something. I was in that counseling thing for ALMOST A YEAR!! I didn't tell anyone because, they'll think I'm a freak. When I was "on the patch" (counseling) I was hungry for cutting, yet, I was kinda happy. It was like smoking, or sucking your thumb, you know its bad for you but you gotta keep doing it to make you feel chilled. Anyways, I'm praying. I don't really know how to pray. All I usually say is "God please help me blah blah blah Amen" well not blah blah blah but yeah. I don't want a kid. I'm still young . I was thinking, if I do have a kid I can get an abortion without anyone know. I don't want to kill an innocent little person I won't be able to live with myself. Storm would be a great father dontcha think? (who am I talkin to) I know he would support and all, but were teens its hard to stick with 1 person FOREVER. Our friendship is on the line.

Tuesday March 29th Journal Entry: 31 (continued)

I just ate breakfast. I didn't really want to eat, but Storm told me I'll get a headache so I just ate. I'm waiting for him to get ready were going to the pharmacy. I just threw on a black tank top, a gray sweatshirt jacket, my favorite black skinny's, and my old rundown converse. I just put my hair in a sloppy ponytail, and ready to roll (who says that anymore). OK he's ready, I'm so flippin scared :(

where here. I'm just sitting down with a pamphlet about Flue Shots. I don't know why I have this in my lap. If the test comes out positive my life will change. If it comes out negative, I dodged a really big bullet. The car ride was quiet. I realized something, silence is REALLY loud. This doesn't seem to be bothering him. I wonder if he's acting this way just to not make me feel scared. Well I'm already scared so its not really working. He always like to make people feel comfy in a way. Like he did with the wicked Witch of The West. That's one issue out of the way. "Life's a game and its not fair"-Rihanna. Storm just put his hand on my hand and whispered "its gonna be alright". OK the pharmacist is ready for us I'll update.

Tuesday March 29th Journal Entry: 31 (continued)

OK we just bought the test. The pharmacist said she'll help us and gave us her number. She was really nice. Her name is Yoko. She's Korean with a bob cut ,pretty squint eyes,and is in her high 20's. I did something bad. I needed it. It's the only thing that'll calm me. I stole a pack of razor blades. I just slid it in my jacket inside pocket and walked out. This isn't my first time stealing I've did this when I was 15. I stole a pair of shoelaces out of a pair of shoes at the store. Ha I can't believe I thought that was hardcore. I can't make anyone find these.