Letters to My Girl *On Hold*.

Chapter One; My Family.

Chapter One; My Family.

'12th January 2024.It's been exactly one week. One week since I started seeing my counsellor. I talk about you a lot, I'm never sure what else to talk about. She tries to change the subject but that's just so disrespectful, so rude, why would she not want to hear about you?'

"Dadda" a small voice called from behind me, I looked down to see my blonde haired, blue eyed princess staring up at my with a juice box in her hand, "Dadda do pwease?" she asked holding it up again, I smiled and lifted her onto my lap,

"Of course I can" she grinned at me showing all her teeth, I've never know a child so proud of her teeth before, I pierced the straw into the orange juice and gave it back to her,

"Tank you dadda" she kissed my cheek, jumped down and went running out of the study. Amie, my 3 year old daughter literally meant everything to me, along with my beautiful wife Elizabeth.

"Lizzie baby, come in here a second?" I called looking back at my screen,

"You don't need to shout, I'm behind you" she said softly as she ran her hands down my bare chest from behind me, her touch was warm and comforting and her soft lips against my neck sent small shivers down my spine.

"Hey princess.." I whispered as I put my hand behind me and rested it on her face,

"What did you want?" she asked softly, I nodded towards the screen and she read the words aloud, "Baby you need to stop this now" she said, her words a little sterner now than before, "Writing about it isn't going to help is it?"

"Writing about it helps more than you think, can you just tell me if it makes sense please?" I asked with a sigh. She'd always been very stern about this, I fell for her even more when I found out how much she hated people that feel sorry for themselves, mainly because she never let me get like that, she always set me straight when I was down.

"It makes sense, but it's a stupid thing to be doing." she huffed as she walked out the room, the lack of her touch on my shoulders and chest left me feeling a little empty, I couldn't place why, but I missed it.

"Lizzie, it's not, please tell me you can kinda understand why I'm doing this?" I called as I ran after her, "Lizzie?" I looked around the house but she was nowhere to be found, she'd vanished again, she had a habit of doing that. "Hey princess, where's mummy?" I asked Amie as she toddled out of the living room,

"Gardnen dadda" she said as she held her hand up, she opened and closed her hands a few times and that was my cue to pick her up,

"Lets go find her, yeah?" I asked, she cuddled me tight and nodded.

"My finded her!" Amie called from the end of the garden. The garden was huge, flowers surrounded the edge and ran along the bottom of the fences, the fences were covered in climbing vines that were home to wild flowers, a snake stoned path separated the two halves of the grass and ended at a small fenced off section of the garden. That's, where she was. She was always there, she never left. I made my way down the path as Amie ran in circles around the grass with our Husky.

"Hey princess" I said softly as my lent my hands on the little black fence, "Why are you down here?"

"You never come down here any more" she said staring, I fiddled with the padlock on the gate and replied,

"I do, every single day" she stood up and walked over to me, putting her hands on my cheeks and kissing my lips lightly and softly, "Come on" I said nodding back towards the house. "Amie my darling, you fancy some cake?" I asked crouching, her face lit up and she ran into my arms, I picked her up and swung her round as I hugged her, Lizzie walked up behind me, kissed Amie's forehead and then kissed me. I looked up at the neighbours window, I'm not sure why but something made me look, my elderly neighbour was giving me a weird look from the window, I didn't know why and then I realised she was talking to her husband, he started looking at me funny too,

"What's wrong Ash?" Lizzie asked putting her arm around my waist,

"They're looking at us weird" I said point to their window,

"Ignore them, lets go inside" she replied frowning and moving my body enough to get me walking, I huddled Amie close to my chest, she always loved that, the sound of my heartbeat would send her to sleep, but it was the warmth and the closeness she loved the most. The dog followed us in and we ended up sitting eating cake for dinner and watching Disney films for hours. By the time 11pm hit Amie and Lizzie were asleep on the sofa, I scooped Amie into my arms and put her in bed, tucking her in and putting her pink princess nightlight on so she wouldn't freak out, Lizzie wrapped her arms around my waist from behind and kissed the back of my shoulder, "Coming to bed?" she whispered, I nodded and kissed Amie on the forehead, Lizzie did the same and followed me across the hall into out room.

"Come cuddle me" I said laying down and holding my arms out, she got into bed and cuddled up beside me, tracing the infinity sign across my bare chest as I traced it along the side of her hip,

"I do understand why" she said,

"I love you, so much" I whispered, but she didn't reply.

It was silent.

It was always silent now, and that broke me.