At the end of the tunnel

Prologue

I sigh as I feel my senses numbed by the alcohol. Everything is foggy but I can hear a giggle. I look around and I come face to face with her. She gives me one of her dazzling smiles and beckons me to follow her 

"Mmm" the sound wakes me up to reality, her image dissipating. I look down and see a blonde on her knees, between my legs. I groan internally, realizing this isn't working anymore.

"Stop" I say rather harshly but she just raises her head enough to smile at me before taking me again in her mouth. Fuck.

"Maddie, stop!"

She stops just to pout for a second before giving me another lick.

"It's Maggie.”

"Fuck. Maddie, Maggie, I don't care, just get up and get the fuck out. Believe me, I hate to repeat myself.”

She scowls but finally does what she's told.

"You're such an asshole.” she yells before making her grand exit.

They are all the same. Whores. They all have it coming and they are still wondering why.

I grab the bottle next to me and I notice it is empty. Shit. I need more booze as I am nowhere near wasted. And wasted is exactly how I want to be. At least then I could pass out without having those nightmares .I try to stand up but I can't seem to distinguish right from left.

"Travis!" I yell and a massive, tattooed guy enters the room. Travis is an old high school friend. He has been on my side all these years, and when I think what a nuisance I must have been I pity him. I pity him for having a friend like me. His appearance is quite a complex for him. He looks menacing and mean; a guy not to be trifled with, but inside he is a loyal and kind guy.

"Bring me another!" I slur before sliding down to the floor.

He looks at me for a second but does as he's told and in a few minutes he's at my side handing me another bottle. I take a swig and spit it.

"What the fuck!" You put water in it" I say accusingly and he just shrugs.

"Do you think I enjoy seeing you here like this every night? This is messed up bro"

I feel dizzy and I don't trust my judgment any longer.

"Just leave..." Leave before I say or do something that I will regret, I mentally add.

He heads for the door but stops and looks back at me

"You crash at the club?”

I nod and I am again left alone.

Sometime later sleeps claims me and it's like a sick prison, a slideshow of memories deriding me.

I hear her laughter again louder at first and eventually fading into the background.

"I love you so much Aiden!" her soft, sweet voice making my insides tremble.

The next thing I know I am in the same room in which my whole world came crashing down on me, three years ago.

"Sir, I am deeply sorry" the P.I had hired to find her says solemnly 

“You didn’t find her? How much more time do you need?”

"Sir ...she's dead”

I stare at him for a moment, thinking I hadn't heard correctly but he continues.

"She died earlier this year. I deeply apologize for being the one to deliver this”

He doesn't get to finish as I sink down into the chair, tears threatening to make their way out.

“How?" I whisper

"Car accident "According to the police report she was trying to elope with her boyfriend.”

Boyfriend. You were nothing. My inner voice silently adds .Lies. Lies. Lies. The word resounds in my head. Worthless. Junkie .

My mother materializes in front of me.

"Mama Loves you baby boy" she says as she walks away, towards the light.

I shot upright, drenched in sweat and with one hell of a headache.  Yet another day to go through the motions. I have been this way for the past three years, when my hope died with the one I loved most in the world. Her betrayal hurt like hell, but her death messed something inside me. Alice was my ray in this fucked up world. She was my salvation. My everything.  Believe me I have tried to end this shit of a life. But fate always finds a way to laugh in my face. Last fall I was this close to death given to a serious beating but those fuckards of doctors just found the way to make me breath again. I had known that by going between two feuding gangs could only mean one thing, and I embraced it wholeheartedly. I am not a pussy. I just don't have any reason to live for. I have been taken to the hospital for an overdose twice so far, and every time I came back. Of course, the doctors did everything in their power, following my father's orders, after all a senator couldn't afford to have his only kid die from an overdose. Appearances. As if I give a damn about him and his plastic little world of perfection. Eventually I resigned myself to living. I resuscitated my business and it has been quite thriving. My time usually is split in two. College, managing my affairs and alcohol and women. At some point I realized that I could only go through life by numbing my feelings with booze and whores. And those required money and considering that my father had pretty much cut me off I had to fall back on something. You may think I am a heartless bastard , and that I am , I don't deny it ,but I have given my heart twice and once they left , they left with it. I am just empty. Hollow.