"So, yeah."
I'm sitting with my legs crossed, boots half unlaced as they swing off the side of his bed.
God, I love this place so much.
I giggle and move closer to him, the warmth from his chest seeming endless.
I love him more than this place.
"Babe."
I whisper, kissing his cheek.
"You're a dork."
I grin like an idiot, but I'm not ashamed.
He has seen me in this dopey state already, hair messy and damp, his shirt hanging off me loosely.
I'm finally at home.
I look at our friends, smile still exposing my dimples, along with my teeth.
I can hear a Lana Del Rey song in my head, and time feels likes its going slow.
American...
'Be young, be dumb, be proud... Like an American...'
I laugh at his joke, feeling lighter than air.
The lights glimmering off his eyes.
Our friends are here too.
Were all together, all happy, its like nothing can touch us but one another.
Her hair is messy, piercings mismatched.
He's laying on her, and I feel that same thing I did when we were all together for the first time.
Complete.
We are whole.
We could go run, through the streets screaming as we fall on one another, kissing each other drunk.
We could laugh at each other, and dance, a moving body of joy.
We could be happy.
I want to stand him up and dance.
I want to put on vintage music and just sway with his chest beating against mine.
We are just a couple of couples, carefree and loud, broken and beautiful.
All jealous of one another.
I'm terrified of her, of him, stealing mine, mines terrified of her or him, stealing me.
Why can't we be no ones?
Why can't we be that one blur of spinning circles, where I am his, and he is mine, but he is happy.
I sometimes think I regret that halloween night most, but I can't.
Because thats not what we meant.
The kisses were not for ourselves, it was for them.
Maybe it was both.
I do know I don't want anyone as badly as I do him.
I do know I don't need anyone as badly as I do him.
I know I don't want to.
No matter how much my body may touch hers I crave his most, I always will.
It is not as if I'd never tried to see her like that, as it was surprisingly easy, it was that I never wanted her like that.
I wanted him to want her like that, to want something he didn't think he should.
I wanted to see how it made him feel, and question himself, but that he did not in anyway break my love for him.
Every inch of my body was his to love, no one elses.
No touch of my skin was as much to me as his.
We laugh at the shaking bed, and he plays comedic music as I'm wrapped in his arms.
I want to stop him, but its hard to stop laughing.
I wonder how much this means to her, I wonder if shes scared she'll do something wrong like I was.
I wonder if he made sure, she was okay.
I wonder if when he sees her the next day, if he will ask the right questions.
If he will hold her longer than usual,
Like he should.
Like they never think they should.
I wonder if I could ever make someone feel as much as they can, as much as a guy.
Stealing away something never returned.
Can I do that?
Technically do I have that power?
