Sadness and Anger
I hate my life. i've had to deal with my mom and her now ex boyfriends shit for the last 6 years. i'm tired. unbelievably tired. my head hurts, it feels like a hammer beating against my skull. my nose is clogged up, my eyes are like waterfalls at this point. i hate it here.
my heart is in so much pain. my mom told me that we would never have to be around him again. only to find out that last night they had sex. she lied to me. she told a huge lie to my face. what kind of mother would sleep with the man that mentally abused me.
i'm angry. at her. at him. at myself. i'm just angry. angry at myself because i can't say things to her face. angry at him because he ruined my life. angry at my mom because she's rather have a man by her side then keep her child happy.
i don't think i can do this. it's getting too hard for me. i'm overwhelmed. i just wanna be somewhere without worries. without having to worry about if my moms gonna go back to this punk ass man. without having to worry if i'll ever see him again. i'm disappointed. hurt. angry. sad. but i'm not surprised. if she decides to be stupid and go back, then i'm not going with her. i'll go with my grandma, or my aunt, or one of my cousins. i'll go anywhere but with that man ever again.
someday i hope they find this account. maybe when i'm long gone in another state or even country. or hopefully they find it sometime soon. i really wouldn't care. or maybe i'll even become an author or something and publish my feelings and they can read it together. in that book i'll put how angry, sad, and hopeless they made me feel in the last 6 years.
oh well. 2 more years and i'm out. they'll be lucky if i come for the holidays.
