You woke up around noon, having been sleeping a lot lately. Your depression was settling in again, and you hadn't been yourself. Two months ago, you were raped. You didn't want to tell anyone out of fear. You thought when your boyfriend, Ashton, found out, he would be disgusted and leave you. You were scared to get close to anyone again and to let anyone in. It was causing you to isolate yourself. Ashton was growing frustrated. You never wanted to have sex, you never wanted to cuddle and you never showed any affection. Not even a simple kiss. You were too down.
You began walking down the stairs when you head Ashton on the phone.
"Biannca?"
You frowned as he spoke the name of his ex girlfriend, the girl Ashton had dated before you came along.
"Yeah, hey baby girl," he murmurs quietly. "Yeah, she won't know. I will be at your place in around an hour, alright? I'll tell (y/n) I'm going to the gym. Wear something sexy for me, baby." He spoke into the phone. "Alright, bye baby. See you soon."
You felt your face drop, tears filling your eyes as you walked back into the bedroom, sliding back into the bed and pulling the covers over your body. You were broken.
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Ashton's POV
Ashton hung up the phone, biting down on his bottom lip. After a few weeks of you pushing him away, he had started hooking up with his ex. The two were now hooking up for the sixth time.
Ashton was never a fan of cheating, and he felt guilty about it each time. He knew you had always had low self esteem and that you always compared yourself to Biannca.
Ashton loved you more than anything in the entire world, but he couldn't help his hormones. He couldn't control himself, and with you pushing him away, he couldn't take it anymore.
The past two weeks of hooking up with Biannca had been a sexual relief. She had always been good in bed, being rough and experienced. But, Ashton missed the slow and sweet love he used to make with you. Each time before he and Biannca would have sex, he would consider saying no, but he couldn't bring himself to those words whenever he would bring his eyes to Biannca's nude body and the lust overcame him.
Ashton sighed, running a hand through his hair and slowly making his way up the stairs, cracking open the door. "(Y/N)?" He asks quietly.
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You were in the bathroom, the door shut and locked when you heard Ashton's voice. You cried harder, cutting on the shower to muffle the sounds. You had your blade in your hand and you were repeatedly dragging it across your thighs, groaning quietly as your body trembled.
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Ashton sighed as he heard the shower running, deciding to go on and leave without a goodbye.
[later on]
Ashton had left Biannca's just as fast as he had arrived. The guilt had got to him and he had cried for the first time in years. He loved you, and he was cheating on you, the love of his life.
Ashton parked the car in the driveway, walking inside and the sighing. He bit his lip, walking up the stairs and into their bedroom. "(Y/N), are you taking another shower?" He groans. You had been taking up to five showers a day to relax yourself, but this time, you hadn't left since you had first gotten in after Ashton had left.
By this point, the water was freezing cold. You were laying back in the tub, your arms and your thighs covered in fresh cuts, many still bleeding although you had stopped cutting a half hour ago.
"(Y/N), come on. Get out." He sighs as he knocks on the bathroom door, opening it after not getting a response.
Your eyes widened as you heard the bathroom door open, a whimper escaping your lips. "Go away, Ashton. Just go away," you cried out.
Ashton frowned, shocked by your choice of words. He made his way inside, making his way over to the shower and pulling open the curtain. "What have you done, (y/n)?!" He shouted, his body trembling as he stumbled back in shock.
You burst into tears, turning your body away from him and clawing at your wrist. "Go away, go to Biannca. I'm not pretty enough, I'm not g-good enough!" You cried out.
Ashton felt his heart drop, his eyes widening as he fell to his knees by the tub, cutting off the shower. "(Y/N).." He whispered, scooping you up into his arms and pulling you into his lap. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.." He breathes out, tears forming in his eyes. "You're beautiful, you're more than good enough.."
You cried harder, shoving Ashton and wobbling up onto your feet. "Go away, just go away. I always knew she was better than me," you whimpered, wrapping a towel around your body and returning to the bedroom, crawling into the bed and wrapping the sheets tight around your body.
Ashton kicked off his shoes, slowly crawling under the covers next to you. "Baby girl," he whispers, snaking his arms around your waist and turning you to face him.
"Don't call me that!" You groan, your body trembling. "That's what you c-call her," you whimpered, more tears falling as you buried your face into your pillow.
Ashton groans, closing his eyes to stop the tears from forming. He had never hated himself so much in his life. "(Y/N), I don't love her." He breathes out. "You have been so distant. You won't kiss me much of the time, you flinch when I touch you when I want to cuddle... you never want to make love," he whispers. "You seem so disinterested in me. You seem as if you don't love me anymore."
Your heart dropped at the boy's words. You felt as if you were the reason he cheated. You weren't enough. You weren't being enough. Ever since the rape, you hadn't let anyone near you. And you hadn't let him know what happened. Your body quivered, trying to find the guts to tell the other boy what happened. "I, I-," you couldn't continue, your voice shaking too much. "I was raped, Ashton," your voice croaked out as you cried harder. "I was raped. I was raped. S-Someone else touched my body, and it w-wasn't you, and I hate m-myself!"
Ashton began to cry, his arms tightening around your body as he ran his hands up and down your back. "My angel," he breathes out, his voice shaking. "My poor baby, oh my sweet baby, I'm so sorry..." He whimpers, squeezing his arms around your waist. A mixture of anger and sadness overcame him. "I'm so sorry, I am sorry for what damage I've done, please don't leave me," he pleads. "I didn't sleep with her today, the guilt and my love for you got the best of me... god, (y/n) I didn't know, I didn't know my angel was hurting..." He groans. "I didn't keep you safe."
You whimpered, hesitantly wrapping your arms around his waist and burying his face into chest and working up the courage to forgive him as you reassured yourself over and over that he was truly sorry; that he truly loved you and not her.
Ashton felt instant relief at your actions, letting out a shaky sigh and pressing a kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there momentarily. "Never again, angel. I will never hurt you again," he breathes out.
And although your trust for him was never the same, he never cheated on you again. He never looked at any other woman the way he looked at you. Because you were the one he wanted. You were his soulmate and he was going to spend forever with you, no matter how much it takes.
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