Connection

Chapter Nine: Obi-Wan

After what felt like days of sobbing alone in my bedroom. I finally pulled myself together. I threw my hair into a messy bun and put my General's uniform on and made my way to the garden outside to meditate and find myself again. It was dark outside and peaceful. I focused on my connection with the force trying to find clarity in a time of turmoil. I sat on a bench, looking at the city from the park. Tears found their way to my eyes, trying to escape. I closed my eyes trying to calm down and slow my heart rate.

"Amara?" A familiar voice approached me. It was Obi-Wan.

"What are you doing out here Obi-Wan?"

"I think the bigger question is what are you doing out here? Are you feeling better?"

"I've had a rough past few days, I am just trying to relax and find myself again. Recently I feel like I have lost myself in a hurricane of emotions. I have let my attachments cloud my vision; I have lost my sense of clarity." Obi-Wan put his hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me.

"Amara, it's easy to lose your focus in the short term. You have to focus on detaching from whatever you are attached to. Everything in life should just pass through you."

"It's not easy Obi-Wan. You don't understand what is happening." Now the tears were falling like a waterfall. I was shaking, not because I was scared or upset, but because I was angry and confused. I still love Anakin; I will always love him and that's the hard part.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" Obi-Wan sat down next to me.

"What if what I tell you is against the rules and could get me kicked out of the order."

"I would never get you expelled from the order." He sighed sitting back and getting comfortable. I thought about telling him. I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him about the day I got shot, everything Anakin told me. The way I felt about it. How we had a connection so deep we could talk to each other by just thinking. That I could feel Anakin's feelings. I knew that he regretted the whole Padme ordeal, but I also knew he liked it. She felt like home to him when things were wrong. He thought of Naboo and the calm before the war when he was with her. I know this because I can see into his mind as he can mine.

"Obi-Wan. There was more than friendship between Anakin and I." I blurted out.

"Yes, I know." He responded, completely calm.

"What do you mean you know?"

"I am not blind nor stupid. You two clearly have something going on." I rubbed the back of my neck.

"We have been dating for two months. It's hard and exhausting to keep something like this alive and flourishing. When your relationship is built on lies and deceptions, how can it survive?" Saying that hit me like a lightsaber through the chest. My heart was pounding, this was the truth and I knew it. Deep down, I always knew this was going to happen.

"You are right Amara; it is wise of you to see it that way. Attachments cause you to become possessive and being possessive is a path to the dark side. What happened between you two the other day, really? I know he didn't yell at you because he wasn't angry when he chased after you. I could feel regret, confusion, and hurt."

"I went to check on him like you asked and Padme was there, they were kissing, and he didn't see me until I ran past him and that's when I found you. If you wouldn't have been there, I don't know what I would've done. I was so hurt." I was telling Obi-Wan everything, confiding in him. I trusted Obi-Wan with my life.

"Padme and Anakin have a deep connection too, but I think his heart lies with you if I am being honest. I am not encouraging you to get back with him, but I am encouraging you to be friends again. You bring out the best in him and he brings out the best in you." He smiled at me and took my hand. "You are truly more special than you believe, Amara. Both you and Anakin are far more valuable to the order than both of you realize. Together, you two could do anything you put your minds to. I know in the future you will have many missions together, that is why I am encouraging you to make amends with him." Obi-Wan squeezed my hand. He stood up, still holding my hand. "Join me for a walk around the garden?" He asked, his intentions were pure. Obi-Wan wanted to make me feel better and I agreed.