ᴘᴀɪɴ ᴍɪxᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴘʟᴇᴀsᴜʀᴇ • ᴸᴼᵛᴱ ᴹᴵˣᴱᴰ ᵂᴵᵀᴴ ᴶᴱᴬᴸᴼᵁˢᵞ

be still my beating heart

they say i'm too young
                                             to
                                                LOVE YOU

i dont know what
that
m e a n s

The fame comes with consequence.

You've always known that.

Maybe once before you would have been all more glad to, perhaps be the consequence.

Except he was different.

Stood out.

Unique and yet all the alluring.

Being in a fairly well known band. Guitarist and one of the lead rappers at that.

Always stood so tall, confidence, the energy of the crowd pumping him with all the adrenaline in the world.

You vividly remember the moment you laid eyes on the handsome band member. He was indeed a sight for sore eyes.

If anyone were to surely say, of course you were a huge sucker for the alternative look. His handsome face, the many tattoos that were permanently inked on his body.

Kim Namjoon was indeed an attractive man.

So it was quite a surprise when he approached you after his show. Introducing himself and getting to know you. His dark, sinful eyes grazing on your figure.

That night you ended up in his hotel room, bent over almost any surface getting fucked into next month.

What was certainly a shocker is when he asked for your number after the quite scandalous session. Even quite the shocker afterwards was when he has actually called! He called and kept in contact every chance he got.

You weren't just a one night stand!

It was very easy to feel like you were someone special to him.

Conveniently he lived in the same city as you. So every other day off you were either at his place or him at yours. Hours spent together in this tiny Garden of Paradise that you had both built together.

It wasn't long before the word relationship had popped up once again. Perhaps it was a bit unusual that he, himself had suggested it.

Blinded by the affection and the love he had shown you had failed to realize how naïve you were to actually accept his feelings.

they say i'm too young to love you
they say i'm
too dumb
to
SEE

After time went on, seasons changed then your vision was beginning to clear.

The first time it had happened you felt a pile of emotion overwhelm you. You say how things truly were and not the untainted nature of how he wanted you to see it.

A lacy pair of underwear.

Which definitely were not yours. Then something had clicked in that moment. You had put the two pieces together. He was doing what you had feared the most.

You didn't confront him. Confrontation would mean the relationship would cease to exist. You didn't want that. Surely he didn't want it to end either? You loved him. He loved you. Surely this was just a bump in the road. So instead you did what any individual would do. Cry and drink. Drink, drink, drink, drink until all you could feel was nothing. So then when it happened again it wouldn't hurt as much.