roam and leave

~ r o a m & l e a v e ~

Two days after I jumped off that ridiculously tall building, and finally stepping out of that horrible living, I have come to peace. Or so I thought I did, here I am witnessing my body dressed up nicely and traditionally in a Filipino "Barong" , "Filipiñana" or whatever.
Kinda reminds me of my grandmother, they carefully placed my body into my death bed. I wanted to cry at the sight but roaming souls can't cry, they're dead, But they just.... remain, walking around this terrible place invisible to all living species.
Roaming Souls; are people who died when it wasn't their time to go, they roam around the world for years, months, days, or hours until they reach their actual planned time. The gods decide when each single living thing dies.
I, Antonella Bora was decided to be put in hell right after reaching my actual time because the gods knew I was an Atheist and I violated their 'death rules' , I wasn't supposed to kill myself 3 days before I actually die from an illness I didn't know I had.
I can make it up now by attending a Church open only for us and let them convert me to a religion which is apparently real, during my stay here. I must do one of the Priest's orders or mission and I shall be accepted in Heaven. Why must I have to stress even after death? All I wanted was a taste of a peaceful living.
My coffin had been closed and is being transferred to a Catholic Church, to let my 'friends' and 'family' visit me and take a look at my lifeless body. One of my Aunts let out a typical grieving comment, "Napakang ganda nung bata, bakit nagpakamatay?" which mean "She was such a beautiful child, why did she kill herself?" out of all Aunts, she's the first one to weep.
She was the most judgmental and criticizing Aunt I ever had, actually same goes to all family members on my mother's side. I patiently waited for the first service to come to an end, once it did I visited my second home, North Carolina. It wasn't the best but its where I grew up after my 11th birthday.
I went to all my bestfriends' houses one by one to see if they're doing well, Apparently none of them look good or happy, as of now. I lay beside them on their beds and watch them cry, I'm sorry but I wish you saw the signs.
I gave them a hug not caring if they'll never feel it. The last two people I'm saying goodbye to are my Exes, I went to my first one. His name is Echarri, he was down as always things were never good between him and I but surprisingly he broke down after seeing a post about me, It was sad to see but I could care less, I'm dead and I can't feel feelings like I used to.
Still, I gave him a hug and proceeded to the next ex, Lianne. A boy with a girl's name, hah.. I used to tease him about it all the time, he was writing some kind of letter on his desk with a fat red candle beside him. When he finished he took the time to read it out loud,

"Dearest Antonella, it has been a while since I wrote you a letter, how are things? You know I don't believe in gods, or anything like that but I hope you're up there in Heaven, finally happy. Kinda sad how you kept wishing for a luxurious future but instead, you did... that.. Sorry I wasn't much of a good friend, ex, or boyfriend. I'll see you soon up there, thank you for existing or thank you, that you existed. Hope you're happy now, Sincerely, Lianne."

He folded the paper in half and hugged it, there he broke down into tears, he finally calmed down minutes later. Kissed the letter and set it on fire with the candle, the paper had turned into ash, he wiped his tears and smiled depressingly. "Please send it to her." he spoke to the candle.
I badly wish to smile and cry the same time, but no I can't. My face is still fucking neutral and that fucking sucks. Excuse the vulgar language, I can't keep doing all this emotion limitation for one more day, so I gave one more, very last hug. And left to do the Church business.
I won't be back after finishing my task, so here's my farewell.

Hello everyone, I will be leaving in a day. I will not be coming back whatsoever, please love each other and communicate no one should be alone kept to themselves, don't end up like me. I'll be up here watching you all grow and possibly forget about me. This is my last goodbye, hope you guys live a good life.

I entered the Church with no hesitation, goodbye.

~E N D~