Behind Closed Eyes

"It is your fault, Rishi, you promised me and when the time came you conveniently forgot that." Mamma Shouted on Papa.

I was sitting on a small stool kept on our tiny balcony, resting my chin on the parapet and watching the street below as the morning unfolded in our locality. The autumn morning greeted me with mild breeze; sunlight kissed me softly on my face, I was enjoying the morning. I watched a boy of my age, walking sleepily, slightly hunching forward to balance the weight of his schoolbag and an elderly lady holding his hand dragging him towards the bus stand while trying to talk with him and make him awake. It was like watching my reflection of other days when I go to school in the morning. I watched other pedestrians walk by the street, few of them paused for a moment to greet their neighbors. I heard the cycle bells, car horns, voices coming from the streets as the small lane wake up, but all those noises couldn't suppressed the angry voices coming from our drawing room.

"Don't blame me, Ekta, you could have reminded me, but why would you do that? You would have lost another chance of putting me down, and that you can’t give amiss." Papa replied.

Again! Again they are fighting. Actually since last evening they'd started. Papa forgot to do something and Mamma is angry with him. I know Papa won't say sorry neither mamma forgives him and this will continue till… God knows when. I know after their verbal banter over, our apartment will be silent like a graveyard and cold, as if we all had frozen with time. No one dares to speak; even our maid or other people speak in lower voices. I won't be welcome for a hug or morning kisses. If I ask papa to play with me he will tell me not to disturb him. If I try to tell mamma the stories of my day, unusually mama will say she will listen me some other day. Rita aunty, my nanny asks me to not disturb anyone and be a good boy until this all over. I have no one to talk to or play, so I usually take shelter on my own room, playing on computer or studying or thinking till the autumn visits again to my parents.

I don't know who is right and who is wrong but I don't want to see them like this way. It makes me scared. I dislike their angry faces and shouting. I want to go inside and stand between them, ask their problem and just solve them weaving my hands in air, like a magician. Then I would like them to shake hands and be friends (or should I say, my mamma-papa) again. But Papa says I've grown up so I should be strong and mature and immune to anything, Mamma says I'm still underage I shouldn't talk between them. What would I do now?

The voices rose a bit higher and my frighten grip me hard. They won't start fighting like me and Soumyo did in school last Tuesday, will they? I don't know.

I feel like crying, but I can't. I'm a student of class two, papa's smart champ and mamma's darling kiddo, Pablo, who makes them very happy and proud parents. I surely can't spill tears like others, papa won’t approve me crying like a baby. But what should I do if they do something.. something violent? Should I call them or grandpa-grandma? No. Both of them will be angry on me and would start scolding me and then maybe they will start fighting again but this time for me. No I can't do that.

“I know I made the mistake of marrying you.”

“Oh really? Then what would you like to do now to rectify your mistake?”

I cringed as a violent sound came from the room. Papa's fist banged on the table and the crockery’s rattled and mamma's sharp voice filled with concern, fear and despair ringed in the room.

What are they doing?? Will they harm each other this time?

I shivered and rested my head on my arms and closed my eyes tightly to block away everything. May be it’s a bad dream I’m having now. But the bright light didn't fade away nor the sound coming from outside or inside. I whispered, "Mamma". I wanted to say 'I'm scared' but my voice didn't support.

Magic!!

As if sensing my call mamma turned towards me. Her angry face turned to a shocked expression then she looked concerned, oblivious of papa's arguments.

"Rishi, look at Pablo!" she whispered to papa and then rushed towards me. For a second papa too was astonished by this sudden change but my face must have portrayed my inner pain and uncertainty, he too rushed towards me.

Mamma hugged me and papa sat down beside me. "What happened, beta (my child)?"

"Why do you fight with each other so much?" I replied on a choked voice, my lips quivering.

"No beta, we weren't fighting, we were just  ...talking. Why are you worrying?"

“It’s nothing, beta.”

It’s hard to believe that they were just talking and it’s nothing, may be they too realized that. They started to consol me but my fear of losing them was still engraved on my mind. So mamma papa promised me that they won't fight like this ever again.

I was very happy and seemed like papa too happy with this promise. He hugged mamma and said something in her ear and mamma smiled in response. I know it was the elderly talk and I was not suppose to hear but I couldn’t help myself and threw my little hands to hug them both and never them let go.

I was so overjoyed but how could I let this moment slip without taking some advantage from my beloved parents (naughty smile). I asked for a chocolate bar, though mamma hesitated but papa instantly asked the maid to brought one for me. Then three of us planned for our day ahead.

Papa booked tickets for movie, after that we went for shopping and last dinner at my favorite Thai restaurant. Sometimes I just checked them remembering the morning fights but both of them looked contended when they smiled at each other.

After coming home both of them showered me and instead of telling me that I had grown up so I need to put on my nightdress myself, they actually helped me to put on my night dress. Laying between them, holding their hands I asked “Papa-Mamma, you won't fight any more, will you?” They laughed and kissed me before answering "N.."

"Pablo, Finish your milk and start doing your homework"

Slowly I opened my eyes and the sunlight blinded me for a moment. Mamma actually took a break to remind me my schedule between her fight with papa. Again both of them were oblivious that I was still in the same space.

I was right, life is beautiful. Only behind closed eyes.