a/n: this is one shot is gonna be in your pov so it'll be written in first person :)
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everything hurt. bent over my desk, hands pushing into my face to get rid of the tears as fast as i could. every second that passed it was harder to gasp for air, my sobs strangling me more and more. panic attacks started to become a normal thing now, and there was no one here to comfort me. alone in the apartment i shared with the one person who i adored the most, gone. anxiety gets the best of me sometimes, and i felt weak knowing i was so attached to my boyfriend that he was the only thing that could calm me down. i was only half a person without him here to hold my hand and tell me everything would be okay.
every day that seemed to pass, i felt as if our relationship was falling apart and it was all my fault. guilt dug a huge whole in my chest knowing that i didn't have his attention like i used to, he was often busy with things and i knew he couldn't help it. he was out with his friends at a bar right now, and i let him go to it. he knows about my attachment anxiety to him, and even insisted to stay with me tonight in such dark times, but i hated being selfish and blocking him from doing simple things like going out. but then again, i feel weak when i don't have his reassurance here.
as i ran out of tears, i began staring at the clock hung above the bed we shared together. 11pm. hopefully he should be home soon. i prayed he wouldn't come home drunk.
time passed, and i began to get impatient. i spotted a small box in one of my drawers and pulled it out, remembering all the memories i had of our relationship in that box. my fingertips slowly trailed over the velvet box, opening it gently to make sure nothing overflowed out. and with that, i began to grab one of the love letters he gave me when we were still in our honey moon phase.
dear y/n,
i hope you have a wonderful day today. i love you so much! give me kisses when you come home.
love, alexis
i laughed, a tear falling down and coming in contact to the paper. i remembered the note now, i went to go for a small day long trip and before i left he slipped the note in my bag. the bittersweet feeling hurt my heart but i tried to constantly remind myself that it was only my anxiety telling me these horrible things.
i finally heard the long awaited sound of the door opening and my heart stopped. i jumped up from my legs right away and ran down to where he was, engulfing him into a hug.
he was taken aback at first, but gave in and wrapped his arms around me in return. "hey", he laughed "didya miss me?"
i ignored his question after realizing the unusual coldness of his clothes and body. i moved my head aback a bit and took a quick scan of him, furrowing my eyebrows
"you're soaked" i muttered out, trying not to make it sound like i was still kinda crying
"i know, it was raining outside..." he took another look at me after hearing my shaky answer escape my lips "are you crying?" he took his hand and brought it to come in contact with my cheek, staring into my eyes
