The Accidental Hacker

Chapter Five and a Half

AN: Little vignette, inspired by Tom's winning Best Actor at the London Evening Standard Theatre Awards tonight.

 Chapter Five and a Half

It was Sunday night and I was out for a drink with Ben, who had decided to see if he could get the barwoman’s phone number. Unfortunately she was proving a tough nut to crack, so I checked my facebook and twitter feeds on my phone, then decided to play with Tom and texted him.

I hadn't spoken to him since I'd told him about my meeting at the gallery tomorrow, and I was incredibly nervous (both about the gallery and meeting Tom in person) and maybe just little bit tipsy.

‘Having fun.' I began. 

‘Pardon?’

‘I asked if you were having fun. PS Don’t drink too much before the show, will you?’

‘How do you know where I am?’

‘You just popped up in my twitter feed. Love the hair, by the way, you’ve got a real retro- Brylcreem vibe going on. Looks good with the penguin suit.’

‘I should have guessed. Yes, I am enjoying myself, and thanks.’

‘Are you nominated?’

‘Of course, darling. I’m not just a pretty face.’

‘Well good luck. Try not to do a JLaw or Gwyneth Paltrow if you win.’

‘Thank you, and I’ll do my best.’

‘Seriously, good luck. I’ll leave you alone now to enjoy yourself.’ Then I added. ‘But text me if you win!’

‘Will do, darling.’

I had nothing to do then, so I continued looking through my twitter feed, then I checked my notifications, answering a smattering of questions about my work until Ben finally decided to give up and returned to the table. I could have told him I thought she was gay, but where is the fun in that?

“How’d you do?” I asked him.

“She says she’s gay,” he muttered.

“You're turning women gay now!" I shook my head. "Oh well, at least you still have me.”

He rolled his eyes. “Great.”

“Oh, snap out of it, you’ve only been single a month. I’ve been single for two years!”

“There was Graham-”

I held my hand out, palm facing him.

“We don’t talk about Graham. Graham has been erased from living memory and if you ever bring him up again, I will personally give you a new piercing, using an exceptionally dirty needle. Got it!”

“I was only saying!” He held his hands up in surrender. “Besides, I told you he was a tosser.”

“Yes, you did, and I used to love you because you never said ‘I told you so’. Now that you’ve said it, I’m afraid I no longer love you.”

“All right, fine, but even I didn’t think he’d steal your jewellery.”

“Jokes on him,” I shrugged as if it meant nothing to me. “It had sentimental value but no monetary value. He’d have had to pay someone to take it off his hands.”

My phone beeped and I looked down to see a text from Captain Hammer.

‘I won!’

I smiled as I replied. ‘I never doubted it, darling. Congratulations.’ I also added a picture of a hedgehog in a party hat with a teeny banner saying ‘Congratulations!’.

‘Thank you, that’s very cute.’

‘Bit like you then.’ Was it okay to call guys cute?

“What are you smiling for?” Ben asked.

“A really ugly friend of mine just pulled this really hot girl,” I answered.

‘What are you up to?’ Tom texted.

‘Playing wing woman to a newly single friend.’

Ben sat up straighter. “Where is he? I might have more luck in his pub.”

“First, you invited me out tonight and have done nothing but ignore me and secondly, he isn’t at a pub, he’s at the Palladium.”

‘Sounds like fun.’ Tom texted.

“Sunday night at the London Palladium?” he said with a sneer. “It’s probably a seventy year old in with a hair net and blue rinse.”

‘It’s really not. Now go celebrate while I do my best to find someone desperate enough to shag my friend.’

I didn’t bother to correct Ben. “Okay, let’s drink up and we’ll head to the Archer, see if we can't find you a warm body for the night.”

Ben immediately brightened. “You’re the best wing woman ever!”

“I know.”

Tom replied as we were walking out. ‘Good luck with that.’

‘Thanks. I’ll need it! ;) ’

***

'Thx fir texting me, was nice to here from U.'

Was Tom drunk? It was nearly 2am and Tom never made spelling mistakes. 'No problem, Tom, I'm pleased for you.'

Luckily for me, I'm a bit of a night owl so he hadnt woken me.

'My lass girlfriend never botherd. I don't thin she cared.'

Yep, drunk.

'She sucks. My last boyfriend stole my jewellery, including a paste rink that belonged to my Great Grandmother.'

'I'll kill him for you, if you want. I know James Blonde and he has a liscence to kill.'

I liked drunk Tom. 'Thanks, but I have no idea where he is.'

'Polly best.'

What? Oh, he means 'probably best'.

'Yep. where are you?' I hoped he wasn't planning on driving anywhere. 

'At home. I couldn't want until tomorrow to talk to you again.'

'I'm looking forward to it too. Congratulations about your win tonight, but now i really have to go to bed. I need my beauty sleep because I'm meeting a Hollywood actor tomorrow.'

'Is that so? Well I hope he don't steel your jewels.'

'I hope so too. Night Tom.'

'Night, dalek'

I laughed. He was probably going to be mortified when he read through this discussion again.

'Good night, Captain Hammered.'