Depression or Fame?

Intro

"I wish I could go back to a time where I could smile and it didn't take everything in me to do it."

~~

There are always two sides to the story. For me, well Iʻm living proof. I live behind two different masks. One; happy, go-lucky, Ms. I have it all. The second? Depressed, over it, Ms. I don't need anyone and I never did. As you can see, two very different masks. It's not that I want to have them, it's just that its easier to have them. See somewhere along the line, of faking it till I made it, I forgot who I really was. Now I just live with the way things are. Loving life my day, hating it by night.

School is my safe haven. Sad right? You can't blame me though. At school Iʻm Ms. Popular. My reputation is built from being the prettiest and seemingly the most perfect girl in my school. Everybody knows me and I have more friends than anybody you could ever need. I mean yeah I'm pretty, but I'm also nice. I'm not the stereotypical popular girl. I don't bully people, or sleep around, or not care about school. I actually do pretty well, and I'm also in a few clubs. But that's just the first side.

See the second side is a bit worse. At home, I'm nothing. I don't have anybody waiting for me to get home. My dad is usually at work or with his girlfriend, so I never get to see him often. When I do its brief and just to make sure I have everything I need. My mother? My mother left me and my dad for her new boyfriend. She decided she didn't want a kid and left. At least that's how it feels. So as you can see, my parents arenʻt really in the picture. I never had people take care of me and never had people ask me if I am okay. I am usually asking them if they're okay. I don't have anybody that is close to me or someone who cares about me at all.

Even with all the "friends", I have, Iʻm still lonely. Even though Iʻm nice people tend to only use me for my looks and status. I let them because I donʻt want to be alone. But Iʻm sick of it. Iʻm sick of living a double life. Iʻm sick of being alone, Iʻm sick of not having someone who knows me. Iʻm sick of not knowing who I even am! But I donʻt know what to do. If I let people in and tell them the truth, my popularity could dwindle. I could be a nobody. But if I keep it up, Iʻll just be even more depressed and lost and maybe Iʻll never be able to find me. Deep down I know what I want, but which one do I choose? Depression or fame? - Sophie  

alright. hola. so my friend grace helped me out  SO MUCH so I do have some credit. i will tag her acc also hi my name is madi :)