the longest summer in america - jevin

chapter 5

a shiver runs up ian's spine. he wraps the blanket tighter over his shoulders and curls up around the pillow, lazily throwing an arm behind him, looking for that familiar body to cuddle into and steal the warmth from.

"huh," he mumbles, squinting one eye open and looking around.

the terrible realization that the previous night hadn't been just a weird product of his mind comes crashing down on him, knocking the breath out his chest and leaving him staring at the empty, untouched rest of the bed. ian sighs and pulls his hand back, cradling it against his own chest.

he hadn't been able to stop the hope that somehow everything would be okay when he woke up from blooming in the back of his mind, but evidently that's not the case. his phone buzzes on his nightstand, but he really doesn't have the strength to deal with it now. he reaches for it and just turns it off completely.

laying back down on the bed, ian stares up at the ceiling and focuses on the up and down movement of his chest as he breathes. he picks at the memories from the previous night, but it still doesn't make any sense. it feels like he's missing something to be able to fully understand what happened.

all that's certain is that today is the wedding day. ian could easily just stay in bed, go back to sleep and pretend that he doesn't exist for the rest of the day. for the week. maybe for the rest of his life, he could move somewhere new and just forget that any of these people ever existed.

he doesn't want that, though. he's on a beautiful island and he's never been one for cowering when either people or just life tries to scare him away. he's done nothing wrong and everybody knows it, they're just doing what feels more convenient. nick is just being the general asshole he's always been.

"alright," ian whispers to himself, but doesn't move.

there's a darker spot in the corner of the room, and he spends an indefinite amount of time trying to make out what it is. a fly? there are no flies here. mold? yikes. it's most likely absolutely nothing. he should check it out though, he needs to make sure...

shaking his head, ian sits up, letting the blanket pool on his lap. with one last deep breath, he throws it off his legs and stands up. his first step forward is a fail, but he catches himself and reaches the bathroom.

ian looks in the mirror and presses his fingers to the bags under his eyes, then runs them down his face and promises himself that he's finally going to take the advice of every wise person who's ever told him that he can choose to see the positive in every situation. he's going to try, at least.

he opens the shower and steps in without waiting for the water to warm up; it's somehow always the perfect temperature anyway. he quickly lathers himself up in the hotel gifted soap and shampoo, unashamedly making a sound at how good the pressure of the water feels on his back.

it only takes him a few minutes to dry himself up and change into the all-white suit he had to bring, request of the newlyweds-to-be. he should feel ridiculous, but looking in the mirror he thinks that the white pants make his ass look good. hey, that's the positive thinking shit talking.

he realizes that he doesn't actually know what time it is. taking the phone from where he apparently plugged it into the wall last night, he turns it back on and finds out that he's late for breakfast but perfectly in time for the wedding itself.

one last look at his outfit and a quick fix of his hair, ian steps outside of his room and closes the door behind himself. he can do this.

as much as he tries to walk slowly and take his time, he makes it to the beach while everybody is still mingling around, small groups talking amongst themselves an thankfully completely ignoring ian.