The Forest

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I jolt awake, panting, my hair falling to my face. All I can hear is my fast beating heart, threatening to burst out of my chest. I sit up and close my eyes. Just a dream. A bloody, gory dream. I push my hair away from my sweat-covered face, then fall back in sheets again, trying to calm my ragged breath. 

I know I won't be able to fall asleep again tonight. Not after reliving the horrors of my past in my dreams once again. Damn. I glance through the window, seeing that the full moon is still high up in the night sky. I lay still for a while, debating whether I should do something that was in my mind lately, then finally sit up again. I stay like that for another minute, letting the coldness of my room seep into my skin.

The moon is still shining, its light caressing my face, teasing me, calling me, luring me... It's been over a year now. 

Finally, I give up and push myself to stand up. The wooden floor creaks gently under my weight, the coldness of its surface makes my toes curl. I hesitantly tiptoe to the narrow corridor, leaving my bedroom door slightly ajar, go down the stairs and open the front door. The cold spring breeze kisses my face, the moonlight clings to my skin, and I instantly feel better. 

Still barefoot, I step outside, feeling the familiar pull of the full moon, the forest, and the smell of the night. Still feeling a little hesitant, I head to the nearest trees, and while I slowly pull off my clothes, I debate whether I am not making a mistake. Finally making up my mind, I drop my clothes near the tree trunk, breathe in full lungs of the night, close my eyes, and, hating myself for what I am about to do, I shift. 

The feeling is surreal, as always. I can feel and hear my bones crack, then seal again in different forms and angles, the vibrant sounds and smells of the night hit my senses and I can't help but feel relief flooding my body. I missed this. I was caging this part of my life for so long that I forgot how I needed this. I shake my cream-colored fur, stretch my legs and go straight to the woods.

It is beautiful at night. Even more through the eyes of a wolf. I can smell night flowers finally blooming after the winter, and hear the creatures running around, filling their bellies after long starvation. The earthy scent fills my lungs and I can't help but feel safe here. This forest is my home, my territory, my safe haven. I pick up my speed and run north.

I run and run and run. My father and I used to run like this together, exploring our lands, letting our wolves free. At that thought, my breath catches up, my heart flutters, and I speed up even more, straining my muscles to take me farther away. He loved this forest as much as I do. And then everything changed.

Since that night my father died, I couldn't bring myself to shift for a long time. I felt like I didn't deserve to run like this, to feel this freedom. I stood there, watching the life leaving his eyes, and did nothing. I could have shifted then, could have tried to protect him. But I stood there and watched, frozen in my spot.

Memories of my father flash in my mind, every single one causes my heart to ache. I run and run and run, trying to escape them, to cleanse my mind, to ease the pain. At this point, I think I am trying to run away from myself. The sights and smells around me change, but I just can't stop. Even after a year, the memories of him are still too much for me to handle without breaking apart.

The lush deciduous forest slowly turns to pine, allowing more moonlight to reach the ground. The lingering smell is different here too, foreign, and my instincts finally alert me that something is terribly wrong.

Wait, stop. What am I doing? I slow my pace to a trot, looking around suspiciously, then stop completely. My wolf senses are nagging me to turn back, to flee this spine-chilling place. I feel I can't be here. It smells different here, the forest doesn't welcome me anymore. 

Fuck. It's the territory of some other pack. It's not my home anymore. How could I miss it? I shove my nose to the ground, trying to recognize the scent. Maybe that's the territory of the pack that I know. Maybe they stretched their lands, seeing that no one claimed this forest for over a year now. But no, this pack is new, unknown to me. I investigate the scent again. I was out of the forest in my wolf form for so long now... Anything could have changed in a year.

As the realization of the danger I could be in finally sets, making a chill go through my back, my muscles tense, ready for action. I must go back. I turn around to sprint home as fast as I can, but it's too late - my ears catch a distant sound. The sound of paws hitting the forest grass somewhere behind me. Shit shit shit. 

I wait no longer - I bolt forward, my tail hung low between my back legs, hairs on my back standing up, ears pinning down to my head. I dig my nails deep in the ground, trying to push myself even faster. I know what happens to a wolf that gets caught in another pack's territory. Especially for a packless wolf like me. Death, most certainly. 

Panic starts to fill my chest as the sounds of my predator becomes louder behind me. I can almost feel heavy panting behind me, sticks and leaves crunching under big paws, and low growling that sends chills deep to my bones. The serenity I felt before is gone now, changed by whole-consuming dread. 

Suddenly, I feel the beast's teeth grazing my thigh, barely missing. A frustrated snarl errupts behind me. I want to speed up even more, but my muscles are tiring, my soft paws hurting from running on sharp rocks. Then, the wolf behind me lurches again, his body rams into mine, sharp pain sears through my left thigh as I tumble and fall to the ground. Panicing, I push myself to get up, failing to collect myself to stand, my moves clumpsy and disoriented. Adrenaline is singing in my veins as I try to get up again, but the wolf not only bites me, he also holds my leg in his teeth, his canines sinking deep into my muscles. 

I feel the warm liquid pooling under me, a sharp metallic smell empowering every other scent around me. Desperate, I turn around and bite the other wolf's neck, drawing blood from him too, but it is not the killing blow. The wolf releases my leg though and I try to get up again. 

Pain in my thigh is searing through my whole body, sending fire up to my spine. It's hard for me to stand straight and I know I am hurt badly. I won't be able to run away from my pursuer with this wound now, so I turn around, ready to fight. 

Then I see my attacker in full view. The moon is shining on his dark brown coat, illuminating his threatening stance, his light blue, almost white eyes pierce mine, and his teeth bared at me, showing huge canines covered in my blood. He leans his head lower, pinning his ears back. A wild snarl escapes his throat and I know I will never win a fight against this beast. I am going to die just like my father.

But I don't want to die. I barely lived! So I do the only thing that is left for me and what my pride hates me for - I lay on my side, expose my belly and my neck to him and hope for the best. Maybe if I look small and powerless, he will leave me alone. I just don't want to die.

The wolf prowls to me and sniffs my now dirty cream fur. I take his scent deep in my lungs too and then I feel it. 

Well shit.


A/N

So this is the first chapter! If you liked it, please let me know!
Love,
J.
xoxoxoxoxo



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