Confessions - ChangJin

white day confessions

Hyunjin wished last Valentine's Day never happened.

It was the first year Hyunjin really had a grasp on his feelings, admitting to his one confidant of the situation. "I knew it."

"What do you mean 'you knew'?!" Sure Felix was his best friend, the one person who knew him the best, but Hyunjin couldn't wrap his head around the idea that Felix knew all along.

"I mean, 'I knew'. You're pretty obvious."

"How?" He just had to hear what Felix was going to say.

"Don't think I haven't caught you staring at him during practice. And don't even get me started on your trips to the 'bathroom,'" He put air quotes around it, Hyunjin suddenly very aware of where this conversation was going. "You took so long one time that I had to come find you and guess what I saw." It was rhetorical, but Hyunjin felt compelled to answer.

"That was one time!"

"You say that now! But I bet you only stopped because you'd been caught." Hyunjin had nothing to protest so he settled with crossing his arms. "Ha, I knew it!" That was the start of the endless teasing from his best friend, which on a regular day never got to him. However, a few days before Valentine's Day, the boys were doing homework in the living room when Chan and Changbin had come back from a late practice.

"Of course you don't care, you know Minho will ask you." Changbin sounded angry, Hyunjin glancing up at them as they continued their very loud conversation.

"No, just because we've been texting for the past week does not mean he'll ask me."

"Just keep telling yourself that." Changbin was frowning and it made Hyunjin frown. Was he upset that Minho liked Chan? Did he like Minho? Hyunjin felt his heart sinking.

"Can you guys keep it down? Some of us are actually doing work over here." Felix shouted, not sparing them more attention after that and typing away at his computer. Hyunjin thought he'd go back to the books too, but Changbin spoke up again.

"It's just unfair, no one's ever asked me to be their Valentine." He sounded hurt and Hyunjin didn't like it. He wanted him to smile again.

"Things change, man. Watch,come February 14th, you'll have so many begging for that spot, you won't even be able to choose." Changbin finally smiled and Hyunjin quickly ducked his head when Changbin suddenly turned their way. They didn't say anything more and they went off to Chan's room.

"Did you hear that?!" Felix smacked his shoulder. Hyunjin yelped.

"Duh, we're in the same room idiot." Felix chuckled, typing again.

"You should ask him."

"What? No way! He wouldn't want to be my Valentine." So, maybe he entertained the idea for a minute too long when Changbin had brought it up. That doesn't change the fact that Changbin only sees him as a younger brother. "He'll think I'm weird."

"I think he'd be appreciative, you'd be his first Valentine." Felix squealed. "That's romantic!" Hyunjin sighed. There was a week before the big day. He could think about it.

Their school had a booth in the courtyard the following day. Valentine's grams! it advertised. Hyunjin regarded the crowd of students with curiosity, treading lightly. One of the members running the booth spotted him, standing in front of him in seconds. "Thinking of what to do for your special someone?" He gestured to the booth. "We're here to help! For a few dollars we'll sing a song of your choosing to that special someone on Valentine's Day. All proceeds go to our art division. What do you say?" There were already so many eager takers and Hyunjin fell back, shaking his head. "No problem, man. But if you change your mind, we'll be here all week." Hyunjin simply nodded, walking off to where Felix waited for him.

A few days went by where Hyunjin absolutely refused to think about it. He passed the booth every lunch, watching as more and more people signed up. Girls laughed, boys blushed. Hyunjin was one second away from breaking. What really made him cave was the morning before Valentine's Day. Chan had been alone that morning, said something about Changbin needing to finish a project. The dutiful boy that Hyunjin was, he knew Changbin hardly ever ate breakfast unless he was with them. So with a smile, he grabbed an apple and headed in the direction of the library.

He didn't expect to find Changbin laughing hysterically with someone Hyunjin didn't recognize. He stopped short of their table, hiding behind a bookshelf to see - or hear- what they were talking about. "Hyung, come on, you should!" Changbin was giggling now, hitting the other boys chest playfully. It didn't sit well with Hyunjin when Changbin's hand lingered there.

"No, no. You're much better at it than I am." He was beaming, a smile Hyunjin never knew Changbin had in him.

"It's just a few lines. It would be fun!" Changbin shook his head and the boy neared his face with his. Hyunjin's eyes widened at the interaction, watching with bated breaths as Changbin's laughter sizzled out. The boy was smiling so wide, eyes disappearing as he teased Changbin in mumbled whispers. Eventually, Changbin broke, shoving the boy who laughed loudly. People hushed them to which they just laughed more.

The bell rang, both boys standing up and walking off in the other direction of Hyunjin. Hyunjin decided then and there he was going to send Changbin a singing gram. Except, when he got to the table, the courage he once had dissolved when it asked who the gram was from. Plain and simple, he just had to write it was for Changbin, but when it came to signing his own name, he paled. The girl was waiting on him expectantly and he felt anxiety clawing at him. He bit his lip and it only took another moment before he was writing something down. It wasn't his name.

Valentine's Day came and all through the day, Hyunjin watched as many of his fellow peers received a singing gram. To say he was nervous, was an understatement. He was sweating bullets as the day came to an end, Hyunjin almost stalling when the end of the day came. But, he knew Felix was waiting so he made it out to the soccer field, noticing a new face with his best friend. Felix waved at the confused boy, beckoning him closer as he walked in their direction. He wasn't sure what the look on younger's face meant, but he didn't think it was a good one. Especially when he saw the boy's face up close.

"Hyunjin, meet Jisung." The boy waved shyly, a contrast to the confidence he'd seen in the library yesterday. "Changbin brought him along." Hyunjin's face threatened to fall, but he pushed through with an awkward smile.

"Oh."

"Isn't Changbin hyung wonderful." Jisung suddenly gushed, staring at him as the soccer boys practiced their plays. "Fighting!" He exclaimed, Changbin smiling their way as he continued. Felix made eye contact with Hyunjin, trying to speak with expressions alone. Hyunjin gulped, disappointed. The rest of practice, Hyunjin's heart broke slowly, Jisung explaining to both him and Felix about his day. "I was lucky enough to be the first one to ask Changbin hyung to be my Valentine, isn't that amazing?" Felix nodded, but he made sad eyes at Hyunjin. Hyunjin shook his head. He could get over it. It was bound to happen anyway.

"Have you ever thought about why Changbin is still single?" Hyunjin asked one night when he was sleeping over at Felix's. It was late into the night, thoughts muddled from lack of sleep. They were thoughts he often had at 3 AM, but he'd never thought to voice them. Until now.

"I don't know, maybe he hasn't found the right person." Felix shrugged, going back to the game he was playing. Hyunjin, who had previously been laying down on the bed, sat up to pout.

"But he's definitely had offers! Remember Jisung?" Hyunjin doesn't think he could ever forget. The day after Valentine's, Jisung trailed after Changbin for a week, practically joining their niche that had solely been the four for years. Hyunjin hated every second of it, almost ditching practices to have an excuse to not watch someone so publicly fawn over Changbin.

But for whatever reason, the Monday after, it went back to normal. Jisung stopped coming around and Hyunjin never thought to ask why. He was just happy he had Changbin to himself again. Felix cursed as his character got attacked, not being of any help to Hyunjin's overthinking. He sunk back on the bed, wondering if maybe things would have been different had he just signed his name.