𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐒𝐞𝐨𝐤𝐣𝐢𝐧...

ᴏɴʟʏ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇɢɪɴɴɪɴɢ...

Dear Seokjin..
Its been 4 months since you left me.
4 months since my heart shattered.
4 months since you trapped me in this hell some call life.
I can still remember the day, clear as those deep brown eyes of yours.
Too well.
You said you wanted to take me for a drive.
That there was something special you wanted to show me.
You being the most special person in my life, I said yes.
You took my hand in yours, and we left the big building we were trapped in, as if it was our own personal hell.
School was still going, but you didn't care.
You never did.
Thats what I love about you.
Not necessarily the never giving a fuck, but how you never cared what people said about you.
What people said about me.
You loved me for the mess I am.
Like no one else did.
Not even my own parents.
We got in your old, beat up car, and you drove away.
Away from our problems..
Away from society.
It was a long drive.
A good hour and a half.
But when we arrive, I understand why you took me here.
It was beautiful.
We were up in the mountains, by a cliff.
There was a slight barrier surrounding the edge, but not one big enough to prevent anything bad from happening.
It was only a few 2 foot, thick, wooden poles, with about 4 1/2 feet in between each one, all connected with a single peice of rope, that looks just about ready to snap.
He took me at just the right time.
The sun was setting, and it seemed as if it was mine and Jin's perfect utopia.
You kissed me, and told me you loved me.
For once in my life, everything was perfect.
I was genuinly happy.
We stayed for hours, not caring what will happen when we get back.
"Jin..", I said," I want to run away... I dont know where, but I want to go. and.. I want you to come with me.."
That beautiful smile spread across your face, and without actually replying 'yes' or 'no', you said:
"how about the states..?"
We talked and talked, planning our getaway.
But the time had to come.
We had to leave.
We got in his car, and drove away from our utopia, leaving my happiness behind.
Thats when my heart broke.
No.
Thats when you left me to burn in the hell that is my existence.
Thats when you beat life in a non-stop game that most lose to.
A raccoon or animal of some sort jumped in front of the car, out of nowhere.
You swerved, and we crashed.
I dont want to get into detail.
I dont want to relive that day.
But one survived, one didn't.
Jin, my love, my life, everything good thats ever happened to me, died.
I survived.
Its my biggest regret.
I should have been the one to die.
Why couldnt I have been the one to die?