The Life of the Lonely

Februrary

(Gray's pov)
I am actually really excited for this dance this Friday. I honestly hate dances though. All of the boys at our school get all sweaty and the girls think it's so fucking cool to rub there asses on anyone around them. But, regardless, I'm still excited to go. Kj and I are meeting up with some of our friends before and eating then going to the dance and honestly any time spent with Kj is worth suffering through the damn dance.

My mom is dropping me off at my friend Renes house. She, my other friend Grace, and Renes boyfriend Palo are driving over to the restaurant and meeting Kj before we head to the dance.

I was just telling Rene about what has been going on with Kj and I lately. I should probably explain. I am so madly and undeniably in love with Kj. She is beautiful and every time I look at her I tear up a little because I know I am never going to be enough for her because she is the epitome of perfect. She is the love of my life, if she actually loved me back of course.

I told her I was in love with her about two months back and she told me she didn't love me like that. I knew that, I just wanted her to know. It was a little weird when we came back to school after christmas break because that's when I told her and I can barely talk to her when we're alone because I'm so uncomfortable but other than that it was fine.

The only problem was this girl she was dating. Her name is Marley. She hates me. She hates me because Kj told her I was in love with her so of course she hates me. She was talking to another one of friends after one of my volleyball practices about Kj and asking my other friend Jo why Kj was being weird with her. I over heard them talking crap about Kj so I of course told her what they were saying because she asked me about it. Kj then told Marley I heard them talking about her and Marley told her I was lying and that Kj should "check her fucking facts before she starts accusing people".

I felt so bad for making Kj sad that I decided to clear things up and DM Marley. I told her that none of it was Kj's fault and it was all my fault because I must have misheard and just wanted what was best for Kj. She did NOT take it well and told me to mind my own fucking business.

And this is where we leave off. Me telling Rene about this at her house as we get ready for the dance.

"Awww, Gray you're so sweet. I can't believe you would still try to make things right with Kj and Marley even though I know how you feel about her."

"It was really nothing, I should have stayed out of if. I knew it was stupid to tell Kj what I heard even though I know exactly what I heard and Marley shouldn't have been talking to Jo about Kj"

I heard the doorbell ring.

"Oh that must be Grace! I'll go get it."

I was indeed Grace and when I opened the door, she bombarded me with all of her things to get ready for the dance. I laughed and helped her carry all of her crap up the stairs to Rene's room.

It didn't take long for us to get ready once we laid out all of Grace's things. When Palo got there we left for the restaurant which was a few towns over. There is where we would meet Kj and eat before throwing it back at the dance.

On our way to the restaurant I had aux of course and was playing absolute fucking bops from the 2000's like I Gotta Feelin and Tik Tok.

I was honestly felling pretty good which was sort of unusual considering I am pretty sad most of the time because of Kj and Marley. When we got to the restaurant, we ordered our food and sat down in a booth, me saving a seat for Kj next to me as we waited for our food and Kj to join us. She got there barely five minutes after we did and sat next to me after ordering her food. We all ate and laughed and it was really nice.

"I don't know about anyone else but I really really want boba right now." Kj spoke.

I had never had boba but I agreed because I wanted to make Kj happy.

I rode in her car with Grace and we played some more throwbacks and screamed our lungs out before getting boba which was really good. The little tapioca balls were all squishy but yummy. I was invigorated with pure joy because I wasn't thinking about stupid Marley and Kj was happy.

We got to the dance and paid our five dollar charge to get in. That's when I kind of started feeling a little off. I didn't really want to dance but Kj wanted to so I did. We were just dancing with our girls friends and one of our senior friends, Lulu, was being really clingy with Kj which was making me really kind of mad. I didn't want to do anything stupid like yell at her but Kj looked really uncomfortable and like she was trying to get out of her arms so I grabbed her wrist and said that we were going to get water.

"Thank you Gray, Lulu has been so annoying and touchy lately. It's really gotten on my nerves."

"It's no problem Kj, anytime lol. You seemed a little uncomfy so I figured I would pull ya out ya know"

We eventually went back into the pit and I got sucked into the middle because of all of the pushing and shoving that was going down and was right next to a boy from my class, Riley, who like lowkey bullies me but not really, more like harsh teasing.

"Sheesh, who let her in here? She fuckin bigger than any boy here."

I was sort of sick of Riley saying this stuff to me all of the time and something in me just snapped. I'm not a violent person at all so Riley was shocked when I said this.

"I am going to punch the living shit out of you if you don't shut the fuck up Riley. Dance somewhere else you stupid fuck."

After that I was was just angry and tired so I wiggles my way through the crowd and told Kj and Rene I was going to sit down.

"What's wrong Gray? I'll come with you." Kj yelled.

"Nothings wrong Kj, I'm just tired, you don't have to come if you want to keep dancing."

I walked over to the bleachers and sat down breathing kind of heavily. I've had a couple panic attacks before so I figured that was what was coming on and tried to focus on breathing so I wouldn't make a stupid scene. Kj had followed right behind me and sat down next to me along with Rene and Palo. I just sat there and listened to them all talk but couldn't really focus because I was trying to breathe normally.

The dance was finally ending and Rene and Palo we're taking pictures together but I was just laying down on a bench outside waiting for them to finish because Rene was my ride home.

"Hey, what's up, you okay?" Kj asked me.

"Yeah I'm good, just tired," I replied.

"Do you want me to take you home?"

I kind of started to tear up because I was feeling a lot more than tired.

"Yes please," I rasped out.

I grabbed Rene's keys quickly to get my things out of her car then hopped into Kj's car. We didn't talk on the way home because I really wasn't in the mood and I'm not sure if Kj noticed. She turned on Someone Like You and I thought I was going to break down but I was holding in the tears because I didn't want to bother Kj. We slowly pulled up to my house and I got out of the car.

"Thank you Kj for taking me home."

"Anytime Gray, nighty night."

"Nighty night Kj," I said softly giving her a tiny ghost of a smile before going into my house.