Andrea Gibson.

Truce

"I Do"
bob ede bob a bob ede bob bob bede bob ede bob bdang adang dang a dingy dong ding
i do, i do, i do
dit de dit de dit
do i do i do
bob ede bob a bob ede bob bob bede bob ede bob bdang adang dang a diddy dong ding
i do
but the motherfuckers say we can't.
because you're a girl
and i'm a girl
or at least something close
so the most we can hope for is an unsung union in Vermont and i want church bells
i want roasary beads
i want Jesus on his knees, i want to walk down the aisle feeling the patriarchy smile...
that's not true.
but i do want to spend my life with you
and i want to know fifty years from now when you're in a hospital room getting ready to die
when visiting hours are for family members only
i want to know they'll let me in
to say goodbye
because i've been fifty years memorizing the way the lines beneath your eyes form rivers when you cry
and i've held my hand like an ocean at your cheek saying baby, float me
cos fifty years i've watched you grow with me
fifty years of you never letting go of me from nightmares to dreams and everything in between
from the day i said buy me a ring
buy me a ring that will turn my finger green so i can imagine our love is a forest
i want to get lost in you
and i swear i grew like a wildflower every hour of the fifty years i was with you
and that's not to say we didn't have bad days
like the day you said that checkout clerk was so sweet
and i said i'd like to eat that checkout girl
and you said honey that's not funny
and i said baby maybe you could take a fucking joke every now and then
so i slept on the couch that night
but when morning came you were laughing
and there's been times where we're both half in and half out the door
but i never needed more than the stars in your grin to lead me home
for fifty years you were my favourite poem
and i would read you every night knowing i might never understand every word but that was ok
cuz the lines of you were the closest thing to holy i'd ever heard
you'd say this kind of love has to be a verb
we are paint on a slick canvas, it's gonna take a whole lot to stick
but if we do we'll be a masterpiece
and we were
from the beginning living in towns that frowned at our handholding
we folded their stares like hate notes into our pockets so we could pretend they weren't there
you said, fear is only a verb if you let it be, don't you dare let go of my hand
that was my favourite line
that and the time we saw two boys kissing on the street in Kansas and we both broke down crying
because it was Kansas
and what are the chances of seeing anything but corn in Kansas
we were born again that day
i cut your cord and you cut mine
and the chords of time played like a concerto of hope
we could feel the rope unwind
the noose of hate loosening
loosening from years of people like you aren't welcome here
people like you cannot work here
people like you cannot adopt
so we had lots of cats and dogs and once even a couple of monkeys you taught to sing hey hey we're the monkeys
you were crazy like that
and i was so crazy about you on nights you couldn't sleep i would lie awake for hours counting sheep for you
and you would rewrite the rhythm of my heartbeat with the way you held me in the morning
resting your head on my chest
i swear my breath turned silver the day your hair did
just like i swear marigolds grew in my eyelids the first time i saw you
and they bloomed the first time i watched you dance to the tune of our kitchen kettle in our living room
in a world that could have left us hard as metal we were soft as nostalgia together
for fifty years we feathered wings too wide to be prey
and we flew through days strong and days as fragile as sandcastles at high tide
you would fold your love into an origami firefly and throw them through my passageways until all my hidden chambers were lit with lanterns
now every trap door and every pore of my heart is open because of you
because of us
so i do, i do, i do
want to be in that room with you
when visiting hours are for family members only
i want to know they'll let me in
i want to know they'll let me hold you while i sing.