Overflow

[One-shot]

IMAGINE WHAT IF Tsukishima Kei just broke down one day.

That's probably what is happening right now.

Although he may not show it. He feels rather empty. Well, probably emptier than he usually have. Unlike the usual walking empty vessel without something to fill him in, he felt like this very vessel cracked so much that nothing can ever fill him in.

And that's how breaking down felt for him. No tears flowed. Just the emptiness of his soul stared and reflected from a shattered mirror, reminding him that he wouldn't be normal no matter how much he wanted to. No matter how much he tried to see through his soul.

Because to begin with, people never treated him as a normal person.

'Look, he never cared.'

'How can he even stay as if nothing happened?'

'He's an emotionless monster.'

'See? He hadn't even cried.'

'He's not normal.'

'So pitiable.'

Sometimes he thought: Is it so bad not to cry? Why do people insist that sadness can only be depicted by crying?

Sometimes he started to believe it. Maybe he's the one to blame. Maybe indeed it is him who doesn't understand. Maybe what they say about him were all true. Maybe he is an emotionless freak like everyone says.

His eyes suddenly fell on the photograph standing on his bedside table. A sudden jolt surged through him as if his vessel is still capable of feeling. Of being shattered into more little shards.

Memories started flooding in.

Back into the playground where Tsukishima and Yamaguchi met.

Back into the days when both of them laughed as kids.

Back into the days when he fought the bullies who tried to hurt Yamaguchi.

Back into the days when he fought with Yamaguchi over inflicting violence and revenge to those bullies.

Back into the days when Yamaguchi offered to buy him a strawberry shortcake for reconciliation.

Back into the days when Tsukishima felt as if everyone lied to him, especially his brother, yet Yamaguchi never left his side.

Back into the days when even though Yamaguchi never played volleyball, he still followed Tsukishima.

Back into the days when Yamaguchi's voice resonated into his ears, calling him "Tsukki."

Back into the days when they were once happy.

And that's how he found the answer.

Because out of all the things he neglected, he denied being happy. He immersed himself in the darkness, clutching as if it were his surviving strings but it just makes him emptier than he should.

He realized, that people cried not because they're sad; not just because of the absence of happiness. Sometimes they cried because they were aware that they were once happy, but never again. Sometimes they cried because those little things that make them happy are also the things that hurt them, because they knew they could never feel or be with them anymore. Sometimes they cried because the existence of happiness they once knew faded. Forgotten. Gone.

He held the picture as if his life depended on it. He engulfed the memories trying to resurface in his mind. Those happy memories he once neglected; the memories he knew he will never be able to experience once again.

Because the person who made his vessel whole once was already dead. His best friend was dead.

That's when his tears started flowing down his cheeks.