Uncommon Valor (mxm)

Excerpt

The Funeral

In the silence, two soldiers removed the flag from my brother's coffin and folded it meticulously.

I couldn't believe my best friend was dead; the only member of my family who knew I was gay. Even though he was in the Marines, he was okay with having a gay brother and loved me regardless of whom I loved.

My parents stood opposite me, emotionless. Not one tear spent. You couldn't tell they were burying their first-born son. Dad believed real men didn't show emotion. I could feel his eyes relentlessly burning into my soul, disgusted because I was crying.

Several Marines from Sam's unit attended the funeral, but one in particular caught my eye. He stood six foot six. Solid muscle. A typical guy's guy Marine. All business and discipline. But there was something about him that mesmerized me.

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The reception was held at my parent's house and I knew I was in for a lecture for showing emotion at the service; I had no sooner walked into the house than my dad pulled me into his study.

"You're such a wuss," he snarled.

"What?"

"You were crying like a baby. Your brother died a man. He doesn't deserve your blubbering."

"He would have been fine with me crying. You're the only one who feels that crying makes you less of a man. There were Marines there who had tears in their eyes as well. It's not like I was a blubbery mess."

There was a knock on the door and Mom opened it and stuck her head in. "Guys, guests are arriving. Quit your bickering and get out here."

I turned to leave, but he grabbed my arm. "Man up, or get the hell out of my house."

"Whatever you say, Dad." I stormed out of the room with a snarl. I was pissed that he would do this after we had just buried Sam, but his attitude didn't surprise me because it was how he had always been. He was like that all throughout our childhood.

I stopped in the kitchen to get something to drink and came across the same Marine I'd noticed at the cemetery grabbing a beer from the fridge. He turned around and stared at me leaving me a little uncomfortable.

"You must be Jason." He held his hand out. "I'm Lieutenant Johnson. It's good to meet the little brother Sam was always talking about."

"It's good to meet you, Lt. Johnson, although I wish it could've been under better circumstances." I shook his hand and he offered me a beer. Upon closer inspection, I noticed the firm thickness of his lips that seemed to invite a kiss. I hadn't expected him to be quite as tall. I had thought we were closer in height, but it turned out that I only came to his chin.

"Is there somewhere we can talk for a minute?" The curiosity in his eyes overshadowed by sadness.

"We can go up to my old room and talk." I led the way up the back stairs and into my room.

He glanced around at the playbills on the walls and hand drawn photos throughout the room. What seemed to grab his attention was a picture of Sam and me just before Sam left for basic training. I'd forgotten to take it when I moved out last year. I still had some things I needed to collect, and noticed Mom had packed some boxes up here for me to take.

"What's on your mind, Lieutenant?" I asked, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

He pulled out a letter from his tunic pocket and handed it to me. "Every time we get stationed somewhere, we write a letter and give it to a member of the team to deliver if something happens to us. I was the keeper of Sam's letter to you."

"Thanks, I'll open it when I get home," I said, taking it gently. My hands trembled as I reached for it and I could feel the tears that threatened to fall. "My dad has this thing about 'real men don't cry'. Knowing my brother, there's something in here that will make me do just that." I had never heard of letter keepers but it didn't surprise me that Sam would have thought ahead to write. I wanted to be strong but all I felt like doing was curling up in a ball and crying because I would never see Sam again.

"Your brother loved you very much. You're all he talked about."

"You must be the Chase he spoke about. That's assuming there's only one Lt. Johnson?"

"Sorry, I'm so used to introducing myself as Lt. Johnson I sometimes forget I have a first name." He chuckled and ran a hand through his short hair. "I also have his cell phone. I thought you could maybe get the pictures and videos off it, or at least try. I've never tried to get things off a broken cell phone before, but I've heard that as long as the memory card is fine you can retrieve your information and transfer to a new device."

"I have a similar phone, so I should be able to connect it to my computer and download the photos and videos if the phone isn't too damaged."

"I want you to know if you ever need to talk, I'm a good listener. Have you got a piece of paper and a pen lying around?" he said, searching the room.

I pulled my phone out and handed it to him. "Just put the number in here, that way I won't lose it."

He chuckled and took the phone from me, punched in his number and sent my number to his phone.

"Remember, you need anything at all, even if it's just an ear, give me a call. The team is going to be stationed at Miramar for the foreseeable future. It's just a short jaunt down the highway."

"I really appreciate it. When are you guys moving out here?"

"We report to Miramar in two weeks. We bought a house there so the team can stay together and not have to live in the barracks on base. You're more than welcome to hang out with us on weekends."

"I may take you up on that. What all did Sam say about me?" I was a little worried he may have accidentally outed me.

"Just that you're an awesome little brother and you're in law school. A huge football fan. You love to draw. He kept the picture you drew of the two of you in his bag, and he took it with him on deployment overseas. Otherwise, it was tacked up in his room. We were actually wondering if we could keep it in the house when we move, in memory of him." He looked around my room and I wondered what thoughts were going through his head.

"Sam would've liked that."

"I'd love to stay but I need to get back to Quantico and finish packing so we can get to Miramar in two weeks."

I put the letter in my jacket pocket, and we headed back downstairs.

The fragrance of the flowers sent over from the funeral home accosted my senses and no sooner had I walked into the living room I had to get out of there. I walked around and found Mom on the front porch talking to a couple of mourners.

I whispered in her ear. "I need to get out of here. It's too much for me right now, Mom. I need to be alone." I wanted to be alone when I read Sam's letter.

"Don't close yourself off, son. I know you and Sam were close, but he would want you to move on with your life and not dwell on his death." I gave her a tight hug and a peck on the cheek.

"Laters, Mom."

As I walked to the car, I could feel someone watching me. I looked back at the house and noticed Chase watching me from the window. I sent him a small smile and climbed into the car.

At home, I put on a CD and poured myself a glass of wine. I opened the letter, and the moment I saw his handwriting I returned it to the envelope and placed it on the coffee table. Then leaned back and began to sob like a naughty child in a supermarket.