Me, myself and I (english version) [PAUSE]

Chapter 9: Tamara (1)

"I think I'm afraid to be happy because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens"

Charlie Brown

Tae Il stays calm for a few long seconds, frowning as if he were trying to remember something, then he asks me a question:

- Are you sure that I told you I met them two years ago?

- Yes, yes. During the first Korean class.

He frowns even more his eyebrows, as if he was trying to focus to be able to remember this day.

- Are you sure about that?

- Yes, Tamara said you knew each other from the beginning of the license when she introduced you.

- I think there was a misunderstanding. Tamara and Eric met at the beginning of the license, yes. But I've known Tamara all my life and I met Eric four years ago even though we all only became friends two years ago. I think that answers your question?

- Yes, but I have others now...

Tae He has a little smile on his face when he replies:

- I knew you would...

- But you won't answer to them, will you?

- This is not my story to tell, I have no right to tell Tamara's.

- I understand.

I understand Tae Il even more than he thinks because I would not want anyone to talk about my past in my place: it would be like stealing from me, the last thing that kept from this period of my life ...

- Tamara is the one you should ask your questions to.

- Do you really think she'll want to answer them? You basically had to force for her to come at Eric's place and introduce me to Leah...

- She was just scared; it hasn't always been easy for her. It's not easy to give yourself completely to people, I'm sure you can understand that...

Tae Il looks me straight in the eye when he utters these words as if he wanted to make me understand that he knows that I am not saying everything about myself but above all, he seems to be telling me that he understands that I need time to be able to tell my story. I look away from those golden eyes because, when he looks at me this way, I feel transparent, and I'm not sure whether I like it or not... We don't talk anymore during the rest of the subway journey until we say goodbye before I get off the subway a few stations before him.

This day was so full of emotions that it seems to have lasted forever. But I feel like we all are closer to each other than yesterday...

Monday morning, when I arrive in my classroom, I am amazed... no this word is weak, I am stunned when I see Tamara sitting at her place, her head resting on the table. I check the time on my watch twice before I realize: Tamara arrived ten minutes early: I have to pinch myself to believe that, it's a miracle.

- You are already here, Tamara?

She lifts her head and gives me a shy smile while answering:

- Yes, I wanted to talk to you...

- What did you do about Leah?

- My neighbor agreed to drop her off at daycare with her daughter. Thank you for worrying about it.

- That's what friends do, right?

- Yes, and I'm really sorry I didn't tell you anything earlier...

- Don't worry about it, I can understand how hard it is to trust people...

- Yes, it's difficult but I'm ready now. I'd like to tell you my story if you'd like to accompany me after school.

- Of course, I'd love to!

That afternoon on the way to pick up Leah from daycare, Tamara explains that for me to understand, she has to tell me her story from the beginning.

Her father is a well-known businessman. He has always had to travel a lot for his work. That's why Tamara spent the first ten years of her life in South Korea. She met Tae Il and Leo there. The three of them were inseparable, they spent all their time together and knew each other by heart. However, while she least expected it, Tamara had to move from the country she had always known, the only home she had ever known and leave her friends to move to Spain for a year. This was followed by six-month in Brazil, then two and a half years in Ireland.

When she was fourteen, her parents decided that she was old enough for them not to have to take her everywhere with them. Tamara then moved to France to live with her grandmother, who she only knew by name: Grandma Lola. Grandma Lola had been perfect for Tamara. She had been patient and understanding with the lost little girl she was. But above all, she had been loving and present for her, everything her parents had never been for her.

Going back to school had been very hard for Tamara. She had already experienced different back-to-school scenarios on her previous trips. In some cases, everyone was welcoming, and she immediately made friends but in others, the welcome was much less warm ... However, whether she was well-received or not, Tamara knew the situation was temporary so she did her best not to become attached to anyone. Despite trying her best, the farewells were still as heartbreaking when he left. In France, the situation was different: it was final, she would not be able to flee if things didn't go the right way. Thus, the pressure was greater than ever. Tamara never thought that the day of her return to third grade would have been the happiest day of her life. When she pushed the gate of the school group, what was not her surprise when she recognized Tae Il's black curls and Leo's red hair! She didn't know if God really existed, but that day she decided she did, because she had just reunited with her childhood friends in a place where she never thought she'd see them again. The boys being two years older, all three of them would not be in the same class but seeing her friends had given her enough strength to overcome all the obstacles that would be on her path.

As the years passed, Tae Il, Leo and Tamara grew up from childhood to adolescence. Tamara and Leo naturally began to see themselves as much more than friends. Leo became Tamara's first everything: her first crush, her first date, her first love, her first kiss, her first time... however, in life, when everything goes too well, something bad ends up happening.