𝐏𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧' 𝐆𝐮𝐲 ➺ 𝐵𝓇𝒾𝒶𝓃 𝑀𝒶𝓎 & 𝒬𝓊𝑒𝑒𝓃

25. I Was a Teenager, Once

I'm gonna die.

I felt as though my life was hanging by a thread, teetering on the edge of existence. Every moment that passed solidified the fact that this was indeed my last day on Earth.

The train jolted forward, and it was as if my very soul had been violently ripped away. Maybe it happened when the doors closed, or perhaps when they opened to allow me inside. No, it was the culmination of this entire sequence of events that led to this overwhelming sense of finality.

I wished Brian could have accompanied me to Kings Cross, but his commitments with the band kept him occupied. I knew he would have been there if he could, his career and schedule were not to be disrupted by my emotional outbursts. I couldn't help but feel a surge of excitement for Queen, knowing that they were on the cusp of recording a new album, their chance to truly shine. The world would finally see them for what they were: a group of beautiful, talented young men with an insatiable passion for painting the world with their music.

As the train sped onward, the world outside gradually transformed, the distance between London and myself growing with each passing moment. And with that distance, Brian would be left behind. I had never been one for long-distance relationships, and the thought of being apart from him filled me with a sense of unease.

That morning, I had risen earlier than necessary to bid a proper farewell to everyone. The haze of last night's drunkenness prevented me from doing so then. Even Roger had said his goodbyes, and we exchanged a heartfelt hug. In some strange way, I think we both enjoyed getting under each other's skin. Don't misunderstand me; I held a deep resentment toward him for what he had done to my best friend. But I couldn't ignore what Brian and Freddie had told me: it's just Roger. Roger Taylor was a man who loved women and loved sex. But he also loved Emma, and Emma loved him. How could I possibly interfere with that? Despite the occasional barb we would throw at each other, it became a familiar dance that, in the end, always managed to coax a laugh from me, even if it initially wounded my heart.

John, in his ever-calm demeanour, offered me words of wisdom as he often did. He urged me to try and understand my parents' perspective, should the need arise. John was the quiet one, and I must admit I haven't mentioned him much. But he possessed a serene presence that was truly awe-inspiring. Of course, those who knew him better than I did understood that he had a wild side buried deep within him, a side I yearned to discover. Sadly, I hadn't had enough time with him to unveil that aspect of John Deacon. Yet, I longed for it. Every time he embraced me, his hair brushing against my face with its softness, he exuded a cuddliness that I couldn't help but adore.

From an outsider's perspective, Freddie and I could easily be mistaken for a couple. Our connection was undeniable, a deep affection that flowed both ways. There was something truly extraordinary about Freddie Mercury, unlike anyone I had ever encountered. He possessed an air of intimidation at first, but those who knew him understood that he was one of the kindest souls to grace this earth. If you didn't have a special place in your heart for Freddie, well, you must be out of your mind. He clung to me like a koala, offering words of protection and urging me to give anyone who gave me trouble a good kick, or else he would take matters into his own hands. His parting words to me were simple yet quintessentially Freddie: "Stay fabulous."

Now, let's talk about the emotional rollercoaster that was saying goodbye to Brian and Emma. Yes, there was tension with Emma, and things weren't exactly perfect. But she was the person who helped me settle into the unfamiliar university environment. She was there for me during moments of panic, tears streaming down my face and my cheeks turning crimson. She lent a comforting presence when I woke up in the dead of night, needing someone to listen and understand, even when I was tempted to fall back into my old habits of self-harm. Emma knew every part of me, just as I knew every part of her. We were more than friends; we were like sisters. And this would be the first time in a long while that I would be returning to Yorkshire without her by my side. The thought of being separated from her made me nervous, but I held it together as we bid our farewells.