Crimson

Chapter 21: Mothers

Lea's Perspective:

When I opened my eyelids I zoned out, my eyes unmoving from the water in front of me. The air remained quiet, despite a few crickets chirping here and there. It was now that smoke was visible in the sky, moving away from the original source of the fire. The occasional gusts of wind would cause movement within the trees, though I heard shuffling that I knew belonged to what had to be a person. Grabbing my dagger from my belt, I sat up and turned swiftly in one movement, raising the blade to what happened to be Felix's throat.

"Shouldn't you know by now I hate surprises?" I muttered, slowly lowering my blade. With a smirk, Felix held his hands up in defense.

"I figured maybe you could use some company—"

"I'll pass," I cut him off immediately. I turned away from him and crossed my arms, looking back out at the lagoon.

"You can't keep living like this," he spoke. "You have to stop blaming yourself at some point—"

"Blaming myself for what?" I scathed. "For doing the right thing?" I ran my fingers through my dark hair. "He would've done the same had the roles been reversed." I paused for a moment as Felix took a few steps toward the lagoon. He now stood next to me, picking up a stone and skipping it across the water.

"I don't think he would have," he said. "He wasn't as strong as you. Not in that sense. He wouldn't have been strong enough to watch you die. He would have caved." I shook my head in denial.

"I wouldn't have let him," I claimed. "I would have told him 'no'—"

"And you think he would have listened?" Felix chuckled. "That boy would have thrown himself off the face of the Earth if it meant you living—"

"Am I really though?" I asked. Felix's expression became perplexed.

"Are you really what?" He questioned. I turned and met his eyes.

"Am I really even living?" I asked. "I mean, what's the point in being alive when the people closest to you are dead," I commented. "And everyone else either betrays or pities you. There's nothing left to feel alive about." I released a heavy sigh and shook my head. "It's just a vicious cycle. The longer I live, the longer he's gone—the longer I'm reminded that I should have been the one to die." There was a slight pause for a moment before Felix piped up.

"Perhaps the concept is more that you live for those that can't," he suggested. "Do the things he couldn't. Be the best version of yourself and live for him. There's no use in being a curmudgeon. Not at this point in life" Felix spoke.

"You didn't see it like I did, Felix..." I paused. "You didn't see the way he looked into my eyes when Hook ran him through...When the light faded from his eyes..."

"Is this what he would want, though? To see you like this?" Felix said.

"Like what?" I chuckled. "Realistic? Careful? Strategic—"

"Broken?" Felix cut me off. "Angry? Violent?" I glared at him before looking back to the lagoon.

"I do what I have to do to stay safe..." I said plainly. Felix sighed.

"One day you're gonna have to realize that you'll fall for someone new," Felix chuckled. I scoffed.

"I didn't fall for him." Kneeling down I picked up another stone and threw it into the lagoon. "I don't have the slightest bit of interest in thinking of someone in that way. I prefer—"

"Being alone. Yeah, yeah. Blah, blah." Felix raised a brow. He picked up a large rock and chucked it into the lagoon. It was then that I noticed his hand was covered in blood.