Not Like That

Chapter 2: ==> Bro: Wake Up

-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 08:03 am --

EB: hey bro!EB: good morning :)TT: Holy fucking shit it's eight in the morning go to sleep this is fucking unholy, John. My morning starts at twelve, and that's early, alright?EB: but i'm bored and dave still isn't back for me to tell him he's a massive dick :(EB: besides you accepted my friend request ten minutes ago so I know you were awake!TT: Stalker, much?EB: shoooooooosh.EB: i also wanted to find out if we're totally bros now because we totally are, so can i actually talk to you whenever or was it just a pity thing?EB: i don't have that many people to talk to soTT: Oh my God it's the kicked puppy thing again.TT: Okay, I'm up, I'll talk, but just so you know your insecurities are showing.TT: I too don't have many people who can stand my company on account of me being a massive bag of dicks. If you can stand my company well done, you make the 'people I hate marginally less than the rest of the world' list. Hey, look, your name's fresh at the bottom, congratulations.TT: Second, considering I'd like to think Davey won't be a douche and run out on you again, I think I can schedule you in for some time that isn't late on a Friday night, somewhere on my busy calendar of not giving a fuck.TT: Lastly I will not deny that pity played a part of this. I do pity you, John. I pity you intensely, with your big sad blue eyes and your trembly lip. You are like a baby panda who just got bitch slapped. Who could avoid pitying that? But if that was all it was I wouldn't be talking to you now. You would have cashed in your fucks-I-give coupon last night and I would be off and getting on with my life without a second thought of sad baby panda John.TT: Has that laid your fragile mind to rest?EB: wow you are a bit of a dick.TT: Shock of the century right there.EB: but you sound way more grown up when you type.TT: I resent the implication I am anything other than an immature man-child.TT: You take that back this instant.EB: he he heEB: alright you are totally an immature dork!EB: what totally cool dude stuff are you doing today, mister cool dude?TT: Well I had a strenuous day of lying in bed snoring planned but you've put pay to that, so I guess I actually have to shift my ass and do something resembling work. Maybe I'll cook myself a gourmet breakfast of pop tarts and OJ as a break from my typical dry cereal.TT: Then I suppose I should get my track list ready for tonight, get some practise in, maybe strife Dave on your sad panda behalf when he turns up.EB: you actually do strife with dave???EB: like with swords on the roof?TT: Yes. It's a thing we do. Why? Does it upset your sensible normal person sensibilities?EB: no! we all just thought dave was making that up to sound cool.TT: If he tells you he ever wins, then yes, he's making that shit up.TT: He screams like a little girl when I jump him from behind.EB: he he he :)TT: I'm going to go ahead and guess you have nothing better to do than bother me all day, at least until Dave shows his face.EB: nope. my dad wants me to go bake with him but i refuse to succumb to the batterwitch's vile sugary charms, and rose and jade aren't online yet.TT: Huh. So Dave does have more than one female friend.EB: yes...TT: I thought he was making that shit up to sound cool.EB: pffffff!EB: like dave is cool!EB: he's a bigger dork that you are.TT: Obviously, because I'm not a dork.EB: you keep saying that and maybe someday it will be true!TT: John.EB: you did the voices and everything.TT: John, shut up.TT: Screw this I want breakfast.TT: Cal can keep you company while I'm gone.EB: wait. you mean the puppet thing?EB: dave always complains about that!EB: i bet it isn't even that bad!

-- timaeusTestified [TT] sent file heeheehoohoo.jpg at 08:35am --

EB: JESUS FUCKING CHRISTEB: that is the scariest thing i've ever seen oh my god broEB: broEB: don't leave with with it oh my godEB: i can feel it watching meEB: broEB: brooooooooEB: come backEB: all these years i made fun of the way dave spoke about the puppetEB: but holy shit okayEB: the puppetEB: oh my godEB: please come back?TT: Hah!TT: Fuck you're as pathetic as Davey.TT: Cal is the shit, kid.EB: shut up!!!TT: I'm seriously going now, and John?TT: Cal says he'll be right here the whole time.