Before I Fall

Overview

How am I ever going to come back from this? Will I ever learn? Is it really my fault and I need to change to fix it? Will this happen again even though he said it wouldn't? Who is going to save me when I save everyone else? Where do I go? Can I even run away from this? Will he find me no matter where I go? Am I just overthinking this? 

I straighten up my head, a queen should never let her crown fall off from her head. But with that just comes another blow to the face, this time taking me down to my knees. I don't know what it is that I did or how this all just started to happen. I tried to pull myself together, but I was soon dragged by my collar up to my feet. The heavy breathing was haunting in the back of my head for what seemed like ages. Every muscle in my body was stiff, it hurt to move. I didn't even think about moving, fearing what would come to me next. "You better never let this happen ever again, or it will be worse for you."

I felt his tight grip let go of me, falling to the floor. Never let what happen again? I wasn't even sure what I did to deserve this. But I know he 'loves' me back, he has to love me to stay with me. And I know that I love him... right? I mean I'm still with him and trying to change myself to his liking. I must be doing this out of love... right? I'm scared of this happening again; what if it is worse than this time? I can't leave him after his threat. All I can do is cover up what he has done to me and play it as nothing even happened today. Tomorrow I will be a better girlfriend for him, I will be the girlfriend that he wants me to be. 

I walk over to the bathroom after I hear the front door shut. I don't really want to see what he has done to me, but I know I have to cover it up so no one asks me about it. I just know if anyone else finds out about this, he will hurt me even worse than his threat sounded. I looked in the mirror and seen the clear, bright red hand mark right on my left cheek. There were also bright red marks on my arms that I knew would turn into bruises by tomorrow morning. I felt the tears running down my face; how did I let a man put his hands on me? I've been taught to stand your ground and put a fight back or leave a man as soon as possible. But then why am I still here in his house? Why didn't I run when I had the chance? There was something stopping me, was it the thought that I still loved him, even after he did this to me? Or was it because I was scared for my life and I couldn't dare think about running now? After everything he just did to me, that could lead to bigger and worse trauma. 

I put a smile on my face, through the tears and breaking inside. I still fought to smile. He blamed me for this, as he did with everything else that went wrong. And sometimes he is right, I have been messing up a lot. But today just wasn't my fault. Hell, I don't even know what I did to make him so... angry. I pull my hair out of my face as I wait for the water from the sink to warm up. I slash the water on my face, scrub through my skin that just felt so dirty, and look at my reflection again. 

Nothing is ever going to be the same. When there's something that is broken, sometimes there just nothing you can do to fix it. 

_________________________________

Hi everyone! Ah, I am so happy and excited to be writing again! I have missed it so much, I haven't wrote a story or chapters in years! If you have been following me for awhile, I used to write fan fictions (I only wrote 3 lol) And I have grown up from those for sure, even though I still love those stories with all my heart. But this will be something new and goes in a different style. I'm really hoping you like it just as much as my other stories I have wrote. And if you are new to my profile, WELCOME! Please enjoy reading my new story and please be sure to check out my other stories (if your into One Direction that is). It has been awhile so they are different from what I am writing in this story. I also realized my lack of correct grammar and spelling errors so they might be hard to read at points. But anyways, thank you for all of your love and support. And stay tuned for the first chapter of my new story, "Before I Fall". 

With much love, MaliksGirl90 xxxx