sad girl

chapter one

sometimes I wonder why i'm here in this world. it's not like i'm good at stuff like the other kids. my life is pointless, so why was I even here? it was another 3am night spend drawing with silver. when was life going to get better? i never cry when i cut maybe because it's supposed to be the thing to get me away from everything or maybe it was because after all my crying I'm not sure there's any more tears.
"your ugly and fat and getting no where in life." a voice in my head keep telling me. after a while I finally put my blade down and took a small washcloth with cold water and dabbed my arm and leg.
"it's gonna be alright." I told myself.
I was at war with my mind most of the time it told me I was no good getting no were in life and ugly. i closed my eyes and laid there till my alarm went off. great now I get to go to school and listen to people laugh and talk as I sit in the back of the class and pray the teacher doesn't call on me. I pulled on the white long sleeve sweater with gold mixed in over my head and then a pare of dark blue ripped jeans and brown uggs. I went into the bathroom and applied makeup till you couldn't see I had been crying anymore. I put my hair in a messy bun and walked down stairs. this was the reason I didn't tell mom why I was so depressed, were rich and I know if she found out she would lock me up in some mental hospital and say I was visiting some family member somewhere in the world.
"hey sis." mom smiled
yes she was that kind of mom, the one that still wore clothing from pink and still looked like she could be 20 yeah she was one of them. she went off into the kitchen to make breakfast as I quickly took my phone out and logged into tumblr, the only place I ever felt welcome.
"MADISON!"
I ran into the kitchen to see where mom had placed my breakfast and started to walk out. I picked up a strawberry and ate it. I took the rest and threw it away. a couple of minutes later mom came back in telling me we had to go, ugh couldn't I just stay home? I got in the land rover with her and put my headphones in.
"Maddie I'm playing music take your headphones out."
"the radio doesn't play good music."
"oh whatever."
we pulled up to school and I sighed.
"great back to hell." I muttered.
"what did you say Madison?"
"nothing."
I got out of The car and sighed as people around me smiled and laughed.
don't get me wrong I had friends just not a lot and wasn't anywhere close to being part of the 'crew' aka the cool kids.
"MADDIEEEE!" my best friend cali screamed running over to me.
Cali was loud, funny, and was always happy I swear I was the only one who actually knew she wanted to die a lot like me.
"yes cal?" i laughed.
"carter and Molly broke up." she said almost out of breath.
"and?"
"people say he likes you!!" she squealed.
"carter like me? ha."
carter Jackson aka mr. poplar of everything sense first grade.
"but people say he does."
I watched as he pasted by us and smiled maybe he did like me? who was I kidding no one liked the sad girl not Even herself