12:00 | sope

Seis

  (TW: mention of depression, suicide, insomnia and eating disorders btw, stay safe 💙)

Jan 4 10:50 PM. Yoongi was sitting on his bed, he had to leave soon but he didn't want to. It's as if his bed was calling to him, telling him why should he go, they didn't want him there, all they felt was pity for him. Yoongi sighed and sat up looking at the mirror in front of his bed. His face was becoming gaunt like, he hated it, but he couldn't stop. He was never a energetic type, never the type to always smile, he always minded his own business and carried on on his own.
It all started in high school, he's not sure when but he started to think too much. "They don't like you, you shouldn't be here..." his mind would tell him. Usually he would just go one living like this but then he started losing so much energy. He didn't get out of bed during the weekends but he wouldn't even sleep, he couldn't sleep his mind was too loud, so he would mostly always just stay awake, he was so tired but couldn't sleep and he didn't cry either. He felt numb. Very numb, he didn't know what to feel anymore. Someone would tell a joke but he didn't feel anything. It was as if this sadness he was feeling just became so numbing.
His mother started to become worry and made him go to therapy and there he got diagnosed with crippling depression and insomnia and they gave him medication for it. He felt so dumb.
As a result from not having much motivation to do anything he stopped eating. His mother would feed him and try but he simply pushed it aside telling her not to worry and that he's fine. His mother always cared about him. "Oh my yoongi you've become so skinny! You look like a skeleton!" On of his classmates told him as she giggled at him. Yoongi just stared and started to think once again. That day he went home and ate and ate until he threw up. He didn't think someone's statement could affect him so much but there he was, crying hunched over the toilet. That was the first time he cried because of something someone said.
After that day he become more self conscious about himself, he tried to hide his body with bigger clothes and tried to eat a lot which only resulted him in throwing up most of what he would stuff in his mouth. He didn't know what to do anymore. He would always feel like shit. He felt like he didn't deserve to be there any longer. He then started thinking about ending it all. He didn't wanna die, he just wanted the pain to end, he hated it so much. He thought about how easy it would be for him to end it all. He thought that no one would care about him, no one would notice him gone, he would and could put an end to it all.
Yoongi started at himself in the mirror as his thoughts only got louder. When he came back he realized he was crying. He wiped his tears away in a rushed manner and quickly stood up, taking his shirt off. His ribs could slightly been seen. His arms were bony and thin, he looked so fragile. His eye bags were dark and so visible. Bruises were scattered all over his body from how easily he would bruise. He looked pale. He quickly found a big white button up and threw that on. He then found lose black jeans and put them on not bothering to tuck in the shit and let his black hair slightly fall over his eye. "Damn...I need a haircut." he told himself and chuckled.
He was very reserved, which is why no one knew what he was going threw and no one knew he had depression. He wanted to keep it that way so they wouldn't worry about him, he hated it when people worry about him, he was fine.
He check the time. 11:29 PM. He sighed, he sat down thinking too much again. He quickly grabbed a small snack instantly feeling nauseous just by looking at it but he had to eat it as he hadn't eaten anything all day. He grabbed his keys and headed out the door. He went down the stairs and instantly felt tired. He really needed to work out.
As he got in his car and started driving he started thinking again. God he hated his mind, it always thought to much. He seemed to always overthink everything. He didn't like it, he would wish he could just shut his brain up, but at last he got what he got and he didn't throw a fit. It was a lengthy drive and therefore he thought even more almost turning back and going back to his apartment, but he shook his head fighting his thoughts and pulled up to the parking lot and parked his car. Once he got out of his car he locked it and checked the time. 12:03 AM. He sighed and walked in going to find his friends.

HIIII ITS ME TUTI :D, I hope you enjoyed this or are enjoying this story, it's now 1:59 AM and I have online classes tomorrow thanks to all this c word thing 😔 I just wanna go back to school tbh but hey at least that gives me time to write more and watch more anime :) but anyways I hope you have a good day, afternoon, or night, don't forget to wash your hands :D 💙