Question Mark (?)

Forgive and Forget

Have y'all met that one person who almost put your life in ruins for YEARS?
Did y'all forgive them already?

If yes, I wanna know how.

Because I have that someone.

And even though it hurts and I want it to stop, I can't forgive her. I can't.

She almost ruined my life.

I'm still suffering because of what she did.

Hindi lang yung grades ko yung naapektuhan, pati rin yung mental health ko.
But who would understand that, right?

People would just say shrug it off.

But they don't understand.

She scarred me.

She made my interests change.
She made me hate reading and writing.
My books suffered because of it.

Most importantly,
She made me hate my life.

She made me hate my entire existence.
She dragged me down and I was a fool to let my guard down and let myself be pulled six feet from the ground.

I feel unalive.

I feel like I don't have a purpose anymore.
I can't even count how often I wanted to just end my suffering, even though I was already free from her hellhole.

I feel dead.

It might sound like my grammar is wrong but I really feel that way.

I still do.
I even stopped school because I have been wasting a whole semester by being an absolute dipshit in every subject I took.
I even fucked up my role as the section's class president because I feel so fucking alone and scared that history would repeat itself.

I'm telling y'all, Senior High School fucking sucks.

I wish it was never implemented.

I wish it didn't exist.

Because if it wasn't here I wouldn't be meeting her, she wouldn't have ruined my life.

Fuck.

You know what hurts?
Whenever I tell what happened to my parents, and how much of it affects me until now, they wouldn't even budge. In fact, they will tell me that I've been too sensitive and I should change and not let it affect me.

HOW? SHE ALREADY DID WHAT SHE DID. AND I CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM.

I want to let my anger out but I'm too tired for it.

I want to cry but there's no use crying over spilled milk.

I just want to stop this.

Because I hate to admit it but she doesn't care.

Heck, she doesn't even know that she destroyed someone's life.

I really hate that my last resort is for me to let out my feelings and thoughts here because in my household there's no one to talk to other than myself but I have no options.

I really hate my life.

I'm such a waste. I'm worthless, and I am lost as fuck.

I can't find my way back.

Fin.